Tinkie A.D.

A bridge between the hands and the heart…

I surrendered this life for the next at 12:59 pm EST today at the vet office with the help of Dr Melissa, with Mamma and Daddy holding me. I’m sorry I am no longer in this world enough to speak through Mamma so she will have tell you my last thoughts and how my last adventure unfolded. Good bye my earth friends and hello my Rainbow Bridge friends, I am now ready to be among you. Much love forever and ever and as long as there is light there shall be love, xox T

Mamma here~ This is the hardest entry I’ve ever had to write, I imagined briefly before when things go really scary, but this not how I thought it would be.  Somehow I am calm, yet not truly rooted in my body. I know she is gone but I look around and she is still in every inch of space and as she has been in every second of thought I have had for months and months, she is still there, but I cannot hold her.

This morning I woke up late (although I did get up earlier to give her meds, I pre fill the syringes and bring them to bed so I can still give them to her even with my eyes half closed, then I roll over and try to top up my sleep), I’ve been so tired, just exhausted and I feel like no matter how much sleep I cannot become replenished. Trinket was calm just sitting beside me in the bed. She had not eaten any of the green I brought with her to bed and when I leaned over to kiss her good morning she did not kiss me back. She appeared very weak, and she has been growing weaker daily for some time. I brought her downstairs to her couch and when I changed her diaper there was not poop and very little pee. Well I knew there would be a day when digestion would come into play so I did not panic even though I knew it wasn’t good. I first called Dave as he was on his way home but not expected until later. I let him know about her and that I would need to take her in to get some Metoclopramide to help get things going. I then called the vet but they wanted to get back to me if she would need to be seen or just fill a prescription for me.

We began our normal morning routine, I got all her kit ready for her morning feeding and organizing her meds. I got her mash ready and had her herbal cocktail all ready and began to syringe her a bit of it along with some water. Suddenly Trinket began another Cardiac Episode and was struggling for breath and she clawed the air in front of her. She cried out again just like the when she screamed at the vet’s when she had the pneumonia, but she was so weak… I held her to my chest holding her tight thinking it must be her time and I comforted her as much as I could, telling her I was here with her and she’d be OK she could let go. Her breathing became labored and every once in a while I could crackling in her breath and she began to make gulping gestures as she fought for breath.  I called the vet back to let them know she was in crisis and I was bringing her in now. I called Dave to let him know I was rushing her in and if he couldn’t make it on time I might have to help her pass. He was still quite a bit away, but it would be close.

After about 10 minutes in the truck she had another episode, she was scared and I fought with myself should I just pull over and hold her until she pass or keep driving. I put my foot into it and I held her chest in my other hand and poured as much Reiki into her heart as I could hoping she’d hold on just a little longer, I tried to fill her with peace and steadiness. It was hard at time I just wanted to scream, but I wouldn’t let my mind hold the horrible images of her last moments until later and I kept driving. I tried to watch to see if she was going pale if she was getting enough oxygen, but I could feel the pounding of her heart in my hand and I knew she was still with me holding on with all she was. I’d look and sure I would be headed for the other sided of the road, thankfully its on the back roads and I prayed for not cops and no wildlife wandering in the road. Every mile agonizing for both me and her, she’d become calm for a while and then struggle to breathe again, but then rest again. I could feel her pounding heard irregular and vibrating through my hand, shooting pain up into my arm. Finally we made it into Owen Sound and sure enough Traffic is gridlock. It seems every other street was impassable due to construction, there would only be one route, though the thick of traffic. So there I was holding her heart in my hand and making our way to the vet.

When we arrived there was a pickup truck in the parking lot with several people all surrounding this big beautiful dog, clearly in major crisis, they were there to euthanize it right there in the truck. All the people were crying and hugging this poor dog. My two usual vets were not on, it was Dr Melissa, whom has not been my favorite as we had not developed a rapport and I found her to be a tad text book, being a young vet I found she lacked a certain gracefulness when I had to euthanize Koda the dog last fall. But any time I was in with Trinket, Dr Dave would call her in to take notice of certain conditions occurring; I suppose teaching her along the way. I felt her to be competent but I felt lost without Dave or Deb as they had years of personal experience with her. By this time Trinket was calm again so I had her wrapped in her purple blanket and I held her close on my chest whispering to her while we waiting for Dr Melissa to help the poor dog along. Five or ten minutes tops we were shown into a room and a few minutes later Dave walked in the door. I don’t know how he did it but he made it, thank you God!! WE each took turns holding her and then Dr Melissa came in to examine her and hear the morning events. She first listened to her lungs and the rattling was so bad she couldn’t make out the heart sounds to even know if things in that area were alright or not. She had pneumonia and it was getting drastically worse as the minutes went by. Dr Melissa presented some options for treatment, but every second longer that I tried to fight for her was imprisoning her in a body that was nothing but pain and anguish, it was time. I looked at Dave and said are you ready and he nodded with eyes filled with tears. I told Dr Melissa how every time we euthanized a bunny it was so traumatic for us and for them and that was why I was fighting so hard for a natural death of my sweet girl, but I knew we could no longer continue. I asked her if we could over sedate her so that she would be far under that they could proceed with the euthanasia drugs without her being conscious, she said we could but too much sedation would make the veins contract and they wouldn’t be able to push in the final drugs. So then I asked her if we could just give her a massive overdose of narcotic to make her go to sleep and stop her heart as she was already so weak. Dr Melissa said that was an option. She left us with her a short time so Dave and I could hold her and say good bye, each second she struggled to breath more and more, so weak yet battling so hard to cling to life.

When she came back she had a syringe of Ketamine and Diazapam , way more than would be normal for her and then she injected the euthanasia drug directly into the stomach cavity instead of into a vein. She gave her three times what would be a normal dose. This was a method she found on line, the stomach would absorb the drugs and do their work quickly, but more could be given if needed. This method would most peaceful she would just go to sleep like the times we did her teeth. Dave and both took turns holding her and she slowed down, not suffering finally but going to sleep while Dave was holding her she took her final breath.  She was  wondrous life extinguished from the physical realm, but now free and immersed in all things. I told her as I held her of how it was OK to let go, how the pain would be gone and she’d wake up so energized and that she’d see all her house mates, especially B and Minnie and how they were waiting for her along with her closest Rainbow buddies. I told her she’d be received in love and not to nip either Minnie or B but to smooch them for me. Lastly I told her I’d be with her always as she had a piece of me with her and I had a piece of her with me. I asked her to someday come back to me and I know she will as she was a Buddhist it was her belief to return and even greater light. I don’t know now how I will know, but I have faith she will return to me.

I had wanted her to go in her Recycle shirt, but it was in the wash and not yet dry when I had to rush her to the vet and Dave didn’t want to part with her Cuter than your kid shirt so she was sent naked into the next life, but with Dougie at her side and wrapped in her Purple Blanket from Aunti Paula. Purple was her favorite color, the color of royalty and The Purple Heart is  given to the wounded in war who have fought bravely, My best guess is that it symbolizes the power of the wounded person to survive and that she did with such grace and love.

Thank you my sweet girl for showing me the reverence of life, the glory of love and connection to all things. I still can’t believe you are gone, how will I go on now in a world without you? I see you in all things that surround me. I have walked with you in life to the edge of the meadow and now I leave in the arms of the angels.

 I want to share this video with you. Many of you will probably already know it, but I’ve thought of her and I whenever I listen to it and its been some time since I’ve been able. Although my favorite is the origanlly done by Death Cab for Cutie, this particular artist does a beautiful cover

After the vet Dave and I went down to the park to stroll around and talk about how we were feeling and to share our favorite memories. Then we went into the restaurant we always ate at with Trinket and sat in our favorite corner. Dave pulled out the chair beside him as he always would for her and he left his parsley there in honor of her. We then had to go to the grocery store. We wandered around the isles and some how even though I had a list I was still lost and forgetting everything I needed and we’d have to double back. But life has to go on, Trinket would want it that way. And I will even though I’m numb and empty inside. The drive home was the hardest for me, the seat next to me empty, that place where she should be. But coming home was the worst and each of took a few moments to look around and cry, letting the saddness seep in a little further. I quicky rounded up all her meds off the coffee table and her uneaten breakfast. then I packed away her toys and blankets on her spot on the couch which I shared with her. The silence is deafening, I hope some how I will remember the sound of her little voice the feel of her sweet kisses on my lips and her wet nose on mine, but mostly I hope I can remember the feeling of her heart beating next to mine, both us meeting halfway in a consciouness sacred and brilliant.

Dave just told me when we were doing our errands and walking around he had a feeling or sense of a little black bunny hopping along behind us, following us for a while until she finally faded away. If my heart could break anymore it would, but I think that would be just like T, “hey were are you going I’m still here!!!” But I know she will be emersed in the light as I let her go over and over again with every breath left in me, I guess we are still struggling. I have lit some candles for her and I keep in my thoughts in that light, complete, happy and free from all the confines of her little body.

Thank you so much for being witness to my miracle girl, for sharing our heart break and our joys. Its been through all of you we have both discovered the sacredness of our bond and I am eteranlly grateful. I know there will be many tears with mine tonight and I thank you for helping me carry this pain. Trinket has been so proud to be seen and understood and to be known for the true spirit that dwelled within a little fur suit. Even right to her final moment she was teaching us,s showing us a different way if only we ask. I am so grateful I had to strength to be her voice and help her live her story.

Namaste, xo Laura

Sweeties, This wonderful story was written for me by Kibbles, Bambi and Zenith’s Mom. I was gonna wait until after I went to the bridge to share this, but its just so wonderful and I’m hanging on so tight that I couldn’t wait anylonger so here it is. Carole truly captured the essence of my journey and me and Mamma are gonna tresure this story for years and years!!!!   (L)

The Brightest Star

                Once upon a time there was a young star that shined in the universe. She was a star that outshined all the other stars so much that they were jealous.  She was very curious about the universe and was always up for a new adventure. Then one day while exploring the planets she came upon one called Earth.  Oh it was a beautiful planet and was bright with colors.  The sun favored this planet like none of the others in the universe so she knew it was special.  It had so much life on it while the others did not.  She was fascinated by this planet and was determined to learn more.

     Since the other stars were jealous, they encouraged her to go to earth.  She was very confused by this.  “A star cannot go to a planet without dying”, she said. “Oh yes, there is a way”, said one of the stars.  “You can transform into a creature from that planet”, said an older star.  “Not many have survived very long when they have transformed, but it can be done”.  “How long do they survive” asked the bright star?  “It just depends, some last for just a short time, a few years in earth time.  But others have come back from their journey and are still here”, one responded.  Oh how she wanted to visit the beautiful planet.  So she set out to find a star that had transformed and lived to tell about it.  There weren’t many but she finally found an old star whose light was beginning to fade. This star was millions of year’s old and visited earth when it was new. She asked the old star many questions about his adventure and how he survived. Although there were risks, the old star told her it was all worth it. He met so many new creatures that he could only see from afar and the feelings he felt was something he would have never known if he did not take the adventure. He told her it was all worth the risk.  So she decided right then she would try it.  The old star then told her how she would have to take her journey in order to survive.

     One evening when all the stars were shining on the northern hemisphere she decided it was time. She said goodbye to her friends and took the plunge.  As she reached the atmosphere she burned so bright that the creatures on earth watched in awe of her beauty.  She landed in a place called Canada. It was a beautiful place and she felt as though she was home.  She only had a few days to decide what she would transform into, so there wasn’t much time to enjoy her surroundings.  She had watched these creatures called humans but they seemed complicated and she wasn’t sure she wanted to be one. She did want to learn more about them though. She saw the creatures that were referred to as dogs.  These were interesting creatures however they were dirty and drooled a lot.  How gross she thought to herself.  “I must find a noble, intelligent creature that is cleaner than that”, she said out loud.  She decided to wait and see if one of these creatures would be nice enough to help her since she was new to this world. She wanted the creature to also be loving and friendly and the only way to see into the soul of a creature was to wait.  She watched a magnificent creature called a deer.  It was graceful and beautiful, however it did not stop to say hello.  She saw and eagle fly over her and when she called out to say hello it just flew off. About that time a wild rabbit hopped up to her. “Hello, my name is Cotton. What’s yours?” “I don’t know.  I don’t have a name I guess” responded the little star.  “What are you” asked the rabbit? “I am a star that shines in the sky” said the star. “Oh you mean like, twinkle, twinkle little star?” asked the rabbit. “I guess”, said the star. “Then that is what we will call you, Twinkle”, said the rabbit. Twinkle loved the name that her new friend had given her.  “What are you?” asked Twinkle.  “I’m a rabbit” said Cotton.  Over the next few days Twinkle and Cotton talked about their lives and learned so much from one another. Twinkle learned that rabbits were loving, smart, strong, and friendly just like her. Cotton asked Twinkle why she didn’t turn into a rabbit so they could play together.  Twinkle explained to him that she had to turn into a baby in order to grow here on Earth. So Cotton had an idea.  There was a farm just over the hill and the humans there had rabbits.  They didn’t look the same as he, but they were still rabbits.  Cotton thought that one of the does just had babies so maybe she could sneak in with those babies.  Twinkle thought that it was a great idea.  Cotton explained to her though that he would not be able to stay with her because he was a wild rabbit and the two weren’t the same.  He told her not to be sad though, because rabbits are smart and very strong and hopefully she would be happy there. So Cotton took Twinkle to the farm and said goodbye to his friend. She transformed into a beautiful black baby.  She had many brothers and sisters and the mother adopted her as one of her own. Her new life had begun.

     Over the next several weeks Twinkle was happy being a baby bunny.  She met new creatures and played with her brothers and sisters. Then one day she overheard two adult rabbits talking about the babies leaving. They said the babies would be taken away and her mother would never see her again.  This horrified Twinkle.  She ran to her mother and asked if the rumors were true. “Unfortunately they are Twinkle.  It is my understanding they will take you to a place called a pet store and hopefully a loving family will pick you to live with them”, her mother said comforting. Twinkle began to cry because she loved her new life on earth.  Her mother told her the strength that she possessed was that like no other and assured her she would be fine.

The day came when the humans picked up all the babies and put them in a box.  All said goodbye to their mom and huddled together out of fear of the unknown.  They travelled for what seemed like forever then they came to a stop.  The human removed Twinkle and a few of her brothers and sisters and put them in a large glass box.  This was a strange place and they were all very scared.  Twinkle remembered what her mother had told her so she straightened up, perked her ears up and hopped around to explore her new surroundings.  A few days after she and her siblings arrived she noticed two humans staring at her.  At first they were just like all the others but then she felt something different deep inside. It was as if they were speaking to her in her head.  So she introduced herself. “Hi, my name is Twinkle” she said.  The female reached down and picked her up.  Twinkle felt so secure and loved from this human.  The female decided to take her home. She gave her a warm, dry, loving place to rest with lots of toys and treats.  The female then introduced herself, “Hi, I’m mommy and you are Trinket, right” the mommy asked? “No, you are saying it wrong, I’m Twinkle”, replied Twinkle. But the mommy kept calling her Trinket so she finally gave in and accepted the name.

     Over the years Trinket fell in love with her mommy and the male human she called daddy. She went on so many adventures and met so many new creatures.  She learned she loved her parents more than anything and would kiss them all the time to show them.  This seemed to make them happy and in turn she was happy.  She didn’t think about her life as a star anymore. She was happy and content where she was. Over the years she became very close with her parents and she could actually communicate with her mom through her feelings.  If her mom was happy Trinket was happy, if her mom was sad, Trinket was sad.  They had a bond that most creatures never experience, especially a little star and a human.

      Then one day Trinket got sick.  She didn’t know what was wrong with her body but she just didn’t feel well.  Her mom was worried and took her to the doctor.  They gave her medicine but she still didn’t feel well.  She would try and play but it just seemed as though her body was giving out.  Then she remembered what the other stars had told her about the earthly body only lasting a little while. She began to think her light was going out.  She wasn’t ready to leave though and she began to shine again.

     During this time her mom felt Trinket’s struggle, not only her physical struggle but her spiritual struggle. She didn’t understand completely why she was feeling these things but it would become clear someday. She made arrangements for Trinket to talk to those humans that could speak and understand her. Trinket told them of her worries and concerns.  Trinket told them that she did not want to leave her parents and return to the universe but she would have to someday and wanted her mom to be okay with it before she leaves.  Trinket also told her mom how much she loved her and she would actually never leave but that one day soon she would have to transform back into a star in order to continue to live. Her life here was only a brief moment but someday she and her mom could reunite in the heavens.  She told her mom she would visit her often both with her light and in her mom’s dreams. Her mom wouldn’t hear of it and wanted her to fight and stay with her for now. Trinket, loving her mom so much, agreed she would stay for as long as she could. 

     As time passed and there were ups and downs with Trinket’s health.  One day Trinket would feel good but the next she didn’t have the strength to lift her head.  Her struggles were not her own though, and when others learned of her trials and the strength she had to overcome them, people and rabbits from all over the world struggled with her. They learned about her fight and what a bright star she was.  She drew strength from these people and her parents, and fought as hard as she could.  But no matter how strong she was at the moment she knew it was only temporary.  Creatures on earth do not live long compared to stars and she wondered just how much time her earthly body had left. 

     One day during one of her weakest moments her mom came to her.  She told Trinket how much she loved her and that she knew she was a star.  Trinket was shocked that a human knew she was a star but she knew that her mom was special. Her mom told her that if she needed to leave then it was okay with her.  She would miss Trinket with all her heart but she knew that someday she was going to leave in order to shine again. Her mom told her that the love that they shared with each other would out shine even the sun and no earthly body could extinguish it. With her mom’s talk Trinket kissed her mom to thank her for the years of love and knowledge she had shown and now for her permission to leave. Trinket was not quite ready to leave her family but she knew that when the time came she could leave without remorse.

     As she fell weaker she decided the time had come. If she did not leave soon and return to being a star she may not have the strength to do so. Her daddy was at work and Trinket didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye and she didn’t want to leave her mom alone. So she fought with all her strength to stay until he returned. Her dad told her it was okay to leave but she couldn’t, not until he was home.  Then as her parents fell asleep one night, Trinket kissed them both good night and unknown to them, goodbye.

       Her mom was heartbroken and thought she would never recover from losing such a precious gift, until, one night when she walked outside.  Through her tears and pain she looked up and saw a light, a light that was shining as bright as a spotlight in the night sky. She smiled.  A new star had appeared in the heavens and was shining down on her. It was the brightest star in the sky…once again.

written by Carole VanDeusen Aug. 2009

I love you too Carol, Kibbles, Bambi and Zenith!!    (L)

Hello my Sweeties

I am still here. Everyday Mamam has to wonder if it will be the day I leave her. I’ve been fairly comfortable for the most part, except Daddy wonders if I had another little cardiac even on Friday night. It seems too I’ve develped quite the issue with gas. I can’t stand the syringe feeding anylonger, I’ve been trying to tell Mamma to stop I don’t want it, but she just switched to a smaller syinge thinking that it would stress me less. Well that’s fine but I seem to be getting way more gas too Mamma puts the Ovol stuff in my mash and last night I had to have another dose before bed too. I was layin on Mamma’s belly and I was farting out these long and horrendous butt flappers. I think Mamma wanted to laugh, but she knew how much the gas was hurting me so she didn’t. When Daddy does that she yells at him, but not me. I am glad she didn’t,  its very embarassing, I never did that before. Well enough of the talk.

I can’t move around on my own anymore, I am pretty much a limp little bun, but I can still reach my paws up to sort of wash them and to push on Mamma when I want my smooches. Mamma was very sad this morning, I had such a long night getting rid of the gas and then this morning she sees I am definatly beginning to tilt again. She had a sneaky suspicion a few days ago and cleaned out my ears again, cause the last few tilts that came on were cleared with the ear cleaning seems I get so much wax down in there. Well this time there was not a lot wax and things seemed Ok for a few days, but today its progressing. So she cleaned them again as best she could and started me on the Panacur as well. “sigh” not more medicine

I know Mamma is thinking I am the bun that will not die, it still seems I am hanging on. I’ve said goodbye to Dr Deb, and of course Mamma and Daddy have “released” me, with Mamma doing this several times over. Last night she held me while doing the Reiki thing and she made these beautiful visualizations for both of us, it was her taking me to a beautiful meadow surrounded in soft glowing mist, and in the distance were all her furbabies that have already left her. She imagined setting me down on the edge of this meadow and then envisioning an angel appearing to take me up in their arms to carry me the rest of the way. She whispered good bye in her mind and in her heart, hoping I’d have the peace to let go knowing she was truly ready to go on without me. But this morning I am still here and now with more complications.

I was right out of my Lasix and very low on my heart med and my Ovol so we had to go to town. Mamma called Dr Deb’s office as she was gonna ask them again if she could help me let go, but she is away from the office today for this big dog show they have here every year. Last year Mamma took me down to the dog show to get my acupunture, what a long time ago that was. So it seems fate has shown the way again and that is not to be my way to leave, I am to go on my own terms. So Mamma held me the longest time and asked what to do. The only thought she could get and its one she has fought with before, “stop syringe feeding me”. Yes Mamma has been keeping everything going by syringe feeding me for so long, but every time lately she does, I feel worse and I’ve been fighting her to stop. A while back she said she’d honor that request from me, but she keeps pleading with me to carry on with the feedings so I relinquish my fight and carry on. Every day I’ve been nibbling little bits in the morning before my feeding and then after I feel too aweful to eat again on my own, so today Mamma has put away the syringe other than to syringe me water and my meds. I have begun to nibble little bits through the day, its not even close to being enough to keep me going and me and Mamma know things will shut down soon, but its time.

So we had one more episode of the Twilight Zone again. Before we left Mamma checked the mail and a parcel had to be picked up at the post office, hmm, Mamma didn’t expect anything else for me and this was addressed to her! Hehe go figure Mamma had mail!! So we stopped there first. Well out of the blue, it was a gift from my first Aunti, Sherri Ellen. This was Mamma’s closest friend, and she used to come hang out with me and Mamma at her store before Mamma closed it. She was the best Aunti, she’d hold carrots and crackers for me for ages, no matter how stiff and sore she was. She doted on me something sweet and I know she loved me. Well her and Mamma had this huge stupid fight about stuff that isn’t really important and both had their feelings hurt and the friendship was terminated over a year ago. No one asked me about it or asked my advice on this situation, and I would have told them both off too. I missed my Aunti but when Mamma lost that friendship that was when she decided to join bunspace so if that had never happened, I don’t know if I’d ever would have made it here. Well this is the lovely gift Mamma got from her friend, seems she has been following me here at bunspace and keeping up with everything that has happened over the last year.  Its perfect isn’t it. The little bun is standing up just like I used to. Mamma thinks this gift is such amazing timing as its kind of like her visualization she showed me last night. I am getting ready to be embaraced by the angels. It was bought a year ago, but its just too perfect for right now, funny how life works out like that.

Now if that wasn’t weird enough in a good way, the second Mamma opened the door at the vet’s office, there was my Aunti sitting there with her kitty Nyla Blue!!! Its been a little over a year since they seen each other and Aunti says to Mamma she knew she’d see her today. So they got to chat a bit and they both admitted they missed eachother and the parting of ways was what it was. So Aunti got to see me one last time and she got to pet me a wee bit while I was in my carrier, Mamma wanted to bring me out to see her proper, but I’m just too weak but I got to see my Aunti again and even though she said “see you later”, I got to say good bye to her too.

I almost forgot, my eye is doing so much better, I am still getting medicated drops every 4 hours and Samantha’s Mommy suggested I also use my True Tears too, every hour inbetween. So my ulcerated eye began to feel better in a few days, but then my other eye got real goopy and sore and so Mamma started putting the medicated drops in that eye too and its doing much better now, so I don’t know if its was ulcerated too or not, it sure was sore just like the other one was at first, but I feel loads better. My cataracts are progressing quite a bit in both eyes, but with all the drops they feel OK.

So that’s it to report for today. Daddy had to leave again, this time going out to Winnipeg. I don’t know when he’ll be home, Mamma says she’ll tell me as soon as she knows. Its time for a good sleep so I’m gonna end here. I love you guys so much, thank you for taking such good care of Mamma and showing me so much love. I hope this head tilt thing doesn’t progress, I don’t think Mamma could handle another go at that with my current condition. Hopefully she’ll hold me enough it won’t be so bad. xox T

Oh Sweetie, I’m still hanging in there and the days seem to be gettin a bit easier now!

I’m sorry its been a few days, its been kinda busy here and when its not, everybun is laid flat out!! We went to a movie on Wednedsay night at the Drive In Theater. I was a having a bit of a tough time at first, I’ve been getting gas now when I eat. Mamma has figured out things go best if I get my gas meds halfway in the middle of my feeding, but the night of the movie I had it before my meal and I got very gurgily and I was fartin a lot too Anway we got to see IceAge!! OMG, it was scary and funny all the same time! Mamma had me propped on a pillow on her lap with my bum higher than my head and she was gently patting my back and the gas was coming out, um I was pointing toward the screen so I could see the movie so that means my farts were coming out toward her!! LOL, OOps sorry Mum, better out than in though. She and Daddy pre doled out all my meds I would need for the night and Daddy set his alarm on his phone so none of my meds were late at all, it actually went pretty good. I got to snuggel and cuddle all night, not too much smoochin though seems I was a bit cranky for the first movie, but I was feeling better by the second on, it was Transformers, boy that was an assault to my senses so I slept throught that one, but Mamma and Daddy said it was pretty good, but IceAge was Great! hehe the crazy squirel guy finds love, sort of!!

So my breathing and my heart rate seems to be stable now, I only get rapid breathing when I get pain and the last few days its been gas pain that have gotten to me but Mamma is givin Ovol (simethcone) with all my meals and its helped loads now that she figured out it has to be in the middle of the feeding. My goodness I am getting so many meds, its really crazy. Get this

8am- Metacam, Lasix, medicated eye drop for my ulcer

10am- Heart med

11:30am- My feeding with the Simethicone plus.. (glucosamine, joint formula, B vitamin, Grapeseed extract, Sleen support herb, ezymes for digestion, Potasium suppliment and heart herb and kidney herb)

Noon- Tramadol, medicated eye drop

4pm-Lasix, Medicated eye drop

8pm- Metacam, Medicated eyedrop

9pm- My feeding with the Simethicone  and…(glucosamine, joint formula, B vitamin, Grapeseed extract, Sleen support herb, ezymes for digestion)

10pm- Heart med

Midnight- Lsix, Tramadol and medicated eye drop

then every hour I’m not getting the medicated eye drop I got to have regular True Tears to keep the eye moist, then Mamma has also tried me back on the Mirtazapine to see if it will help my appetite now seems I’m not getting any of my happy herb stuff yet. Today we tried it and I’m nibbling right now as Mamma is typin for me, so I don’t know maybe it is working cause i have not nibble no salad for a few days anyway. Anyway its a lot to keep track of and Mamma has her list to go by thank good ness, but I’m tellin you I sure miss the days of just salad!!

So we all found out this week that Mamma really needs her beauty sleep. Gracie found out the hard way that Mamma isn’t alway so sweet and nice ( Daddy has beens saying she is a meany pants for years LOL) Anyway way yesterday morning Daddy was up first and let out G and Puds, well G was made cause my left over salad was with me and Mamma still up in bed and she wanted it and Daddy wasn’t gettin off his arse to get the fresh stuff so he tells her to go up and get Mamma outta bed. Well… um I don’t know if that was such a good idea, Mamma was pretty tired and a bit cranky already. First we, both me and Mamma were woken up to what sounded like a RAT under the bed chewing on the underside of the bed, Mamma let that go on for a little while until her brain finally switched on and she realized it was a bunny and she wasn’t dreaming, so then she gets ottta bed and grabs a dirty shirt to snap at Gracie under the bed, Mamma yelled for her to GIT and oh boy Gracie Got all right and took off running, Mamma came back to bed and passed out again. A little while later we wakes up again but this time it was the big RAT under the bed was pluckin carpet!! uh OH, not a good idea Gracie!! That’s it, Mamma flew outta bed yellin and Gracie took off again, this time Mamma saw it was time for my heart med so she stayed up and brought me downstairs for my nappy change and my meds. Daddy all the while was sittin on the couch looking at porn (LOL Camera equipement sites, he’s addicted you see!!) So Mamma puts down my dish of left over greens for the Hell Buns while G and Puds are Merrily munchin and then Mamma gets right ugly out of nowhere and Tells Gracie she is a Rat with long Ears and then threw the left over salad bag at her (to Mamma’s defence she didn’t throw it hard and it only a bit of salad it in) but then Daddy jumps to Gracie’s defence and says how mean Mamma is and that Gracie was only being a bunny. Well there were a few choice words and some accusations back and forth and it came out that Daddy sent her up there, OH boy, that didn’t go over so well! So moral of the story, “Let Sleepin Mummys lay”  hehe, it was all in crabby fun, and nobuns were harmed in the story. hehe  BTW Mamma had sucked up to Gracie and apologized for her meaness and was giving her smooches by the end of the day.

We decided to spend a leisurely day out on the deck for the afternoon. G and Puds spent the whole afternoon sitting in their sandbox with their butts to us. Me and Daddy snuggled on a blanket on the deck and Mamma had to run and do an errand in town, but then came back and was blowing bubbles off the back of the deck for a few hours while Daddy was taking pics. Daddy was first blowing bubbles at G and Puds but they just ignored him while baskin in their sand, they were no fun at all It was a nice way to spend a few hours that is for sure.

Mamma, when she came back from town, she had a parcel for me!! Oh my goodness, what is it Mamma? We all couldn’t believe it when she opened the package!! OMG, BunBun, Scooter, Comet, Lucky and thier Mommy had commissioned Tricia Aviss, the artist to make a figurine of me!! Oh its so cute and it looks just like me too! hehe, and Tricia who also is Abby, Huckleberry and Snoopy’s Mom, sent a  portrait of me that she had done too!! I am so speacheless (well as speachless as I can be, I know i got a big yap and it works overtime!) This is a picture of “Me Myself and I” that Daddy took for me, I can’t wait for Mamma to get the portrait of me framed up nice, gee I wonder where she will hang it? Thank you so much you guys, Mamma says she is very touched by this gesture and she loves them so much and says she knows how grateful she will to have these images of me once I finally leave her.

OK, kiddies that is pretty much everything that has been going on here. I am hanging in there, still sleepin a lot and for a couple days I couldn’t use my cart or my skateboard It seems I am too weak and wobblily to use my skateboard now, but I did get in my cart for a little bit last night and wheeled out to see Gracie again to make sure she remembers who is still boss around here! When I am too weak to use my cart, Daddy puts me in my stroller and takes to sit beside Gracie’s hutch, I’m not so sure Gracie likes this arrangement, but its important for me to keep my eye on her for a little bit anyway.

Oh it and an interesting developement. Daddy did the strangest thing yesterday. He had scooped up Gracie to bring her in from the deck and he held her up to me inside my stroller, real close and Gracie rooted on me, on the back of my neck, but she was nice! There was no aggression or nothing, no nipping or growling, just the nose bonks. Why did she do this? I don’t know if I like that idea, I’m afraid she nolonger sees me as the threat and will be content to just let me be, this is bitter sweet in my mind. I am happy for peace between us, but I worry this means she senses that I will soon depart, its the last thing I need her beleiving I’m on my way out!! Weirdly, Puds did the same thing….

OK that’s it for today my sweeties, I love you all so much

OMG, OMG, OMG Sweeties!!! I had the most amazing surprise when I woke up last night!! Mamma says that Wembley’s Daddy, Mike Russo (who is also a professional musician who doesn’t sing~ I don’t know why, his voice is amazing!!) wrote me a beautiful song, “Ode to Trinket” Mamma cried when she first heard it and I had to wait until later to wake up enough to hear it, but OMG I am just so blown away that someone would do that for little old me! I love it!!! Thank you so much Mike, YOU ROCK!!! hehe I’d love to hear you sing more!!

So Mamma made a little photo montage of her favorite photo shoots over the last year, but I don’t know if the photos do the song justice, I know Mamma will be using it in more projects for sure, Daddy is even playin with some vid clips and the new song!

So sweeties, please go over and see Wembley and leave him some carrots and let his Daddy know just how amazing he is!! ((smoochies))

OK kiddies here it is the first time…… Ode to Trinket by Mike Russo!!!

Oh BTW, I woke up this morning and I have been chewin on some salad!!! OMG could this day get any better?????

I love YOU guys so much, Thank you Thank you for all the love and support, it sure makes the icky days worth it when we got some much love to help us through to the better days!! xox T

Oh Bunnies…

The first dose didn’t work Mamma hoped that I’d suddenly morph into a Hobbit and start scarfing down my salads, but it didn’t happen with that first small dose. Nothing weird happened other than I did get sleepy and had a nice sleep last night. This morning I didn’t touch any of my salad at all, but Mamma kept stickin the syringe in my gob so my belly is full now. So we got to wait until supper time then we’ll try another dose of the appetite stimulant but a bit more than yesterday. We’re still hopin its gonna be the miracle I need!!

On a more fun note, I’m gonna get to listen to a Tragically Hip concert later this afternoon~ sorta!! hehe, We are having a big concert here in Wiarton at our Air field which is right across the street from my house! Mamma thinks we will be able to hear this outdoor concert from the comforts our back yard without the cost of the ticket and without all the rowdy party goers! I don’t know how Gracie and Puds are gonna like it, I don’t know if they like the Tragically Hip, but Mamma says they are pretty good.

Daddy had to go to work so I’m sulkin a bit, I don’t know when he’ll be home again either. I hate that!! I prefer to know everything that is going on and When!!

So that’s it from here, we’re still waiting for success.   xoxo T

OMG How could I forget to report!! Daddy pushed me in my stroller!!! he has pushed me while we strolling down the road from our house and for a few minutes down by the marina too, he says he is still embarassed to push me in my stroller in “public” hehe daddy, our road IS Public!! What a Dough Head!!

T waiting in the truck for her Vet appointment~ Lookie, she's EATING!!

OK Kiddies I got to the vet yesterday and she was impressed!!

 She said my pulse was the strongest its been in weeks!! Mamma discussed with her all the changes she made in my diet and Dr Deb even though she is studying to get her certification in Veterinary Herbology had not come across Slippery Elm in her studies and information! Although she says its a “cooling” herb and I mostly require “warming” for my system, obviously is cooling down any inflammation in my tummy and my throat so its a good thing. She even complimented the poopies I brought to show her! LOL

So mamma had noticed too that for the last month and half I had stopped drinking my water and every night, and in my water she puts my homeopathic treatment for my kidneys which had (she totally believes) saved my kidneys from total breakdown over a year and half ago. Anyway on my last visit Deb commented that my acupuncture Kidney points had been getting hotter and hotter each week pointing to the deterioration of their optimal functioning BUT since then Mamma had started syringing my water with my homeopathic treatment in it and THIS week my kidney points were totally normal, no excess heat showing any problems!! WELL I don’t know for sure, but we really think its the homeopathic doing something!! yay this was good news

My weigh in was still 1kg, but that’s amazing considering that Mamma suspects that I had dropped a lot of weight earlier last wee with all that choking business. Oh and my Lady Businesslooked so much better by the afternoon Deb said not to give me more meds, so no needle and I’m just to continue on with my new diet and herbal mix that Mamma has put in it. The only negative thing from my check up was that my breathing was a bit faster than normal, but there was not any sounds of any rattles or indication of any pneumonia. Mamma wonders if my breathing is faster cause I’m not getting the exercise I had been getting before so now I’m officially a couch potato so I guess I bit out of shape.

So Deb also said to get me out in the sun and the fresh air which we are doing and she thinks I am doing so much better so she is very impressed with the slippery elm diet I think she’ll be investigating it further!!

So we picked up a few more veggies and greens for the garden so I think I’ll be out in the garden planting some more stuff today, I’ll get Mamma to post some photos later of the finished beds!!

Oh I have to tell yous I have suddenly starting eatin Salad like a proper Hobbit!! OMG yay I am so hungry so I’m just stuffin my little gob!! Daddy gave me two servings last night while we were watchin the tellie. So right now I don’t like the dandies out of the yard, they have flowered now so they are very bitter but Mamma found a bunch in the grocery store and they are yummy!! I am eating lots of that and tons of cilantro too. I was even eatin in the truck on the way home from the vet yesterday. I think Deb must have been working overtime on the nomie points with her needles cause I’m still chewin this morning. I haven’t even had my S.E. slurry yet but I’ll save room for that too!! So Mamma says I’m being like a proper little Hobbit, I tell you I’m so glad to see her happy and relieved!

Ok kiddies I’ve got to tuck in properly, I’ll come back later with some photos but for now I’m gonna EAT!! hehe Love yous!! xox T

Well Kiddies…

T out in the garden getting her seeds planted for tasty salad!

Daddy is convinced I am getting stronger on my new diet. I have been doing lots of push up lately so I’m trying to keep up my biceps!!  The slippery elm diet seems to be doing me some good and I’m no longer scared of the syringe so the feedings are going well again. My mushy cecals had cleared up for a bit but they are back to being very mucky and squishy and very gross and very very stinky!! EWW, I think they’d rival Gracie’s!! so Mamma is takin me off the Pedialyte and extra juice in my slurry recipe and we are going back to wetting everything down with just my ginger tea, Mamma is worried the extra sugars are screwing things up. I’m getting lots of water and tea into me with my meals so we don’t have to worry about dehydration.

The bad thing about the icky cecals is that I got a nasty infection which has inflamed my lady business, Owwie, its not nice and I’m not very happy about this. I woke up with this burning feeling this morning, thankfully we are going to the vet again today so I guess I’ll be back on the needle What a cwappy way to start the day, but I had to have a butt bath, but things are feeling a bit better now so I guess I won’t be too cranky about it.

So things have been very busy here this weekend. Daddy has been home since Friday and will be home at least a few more days, he’s getting some major work done on his big truck and I got to ride to Owen Sound with him yesterday when he took it to the shop. I like to ride on the bed in the back its very comfy, way better than Mamma’s truck!! hehe I know I’m spoilt!

Anyway I’m getting off track here. Years ago when B and Minnie came to live here Mamma and Daddy designed and made this lush and beautiful Victorian garden just for them. It was all fenced in with two little gates and there were big bushy perennial plants to hide and dig around and four raised beds for growing veggies. Mamma and Daddy would work together out there while the bunnies ran their bunny 500s and binkied through the freshly seeded beds, it was very wonderful. But then Daddy had to go trucking and he was never home and Mamma got real sick one year and then they opened Mamma’s gallery and she had to work every weekend and then B and then Minnie died so its been over 4 years since the garden had any bunny visitors or any love and attention. It became more wild and overgrown and the snakes took it over too so Mamma was too afraid to ever go out there to try and bring it back. Its sad too cause a few of our first family members that passed on are buried out there under a rose bush.

Well for two years Mamma has been hounding Daddy to help her do something about it, so when Bella and Pepper sent me the seeds he finally said OK lets “get er done!!” hehe so since Saturday they have been out there working at it. Now Mamma has had to come running into the house a few times cause of some unwanted visitors!! LOL, one time Mamma picked up the shovel and almost picked up a baby fox snake that hiding under it cause it was so cold, she jumped 4 feet off the ground and started doing the River Dance all the way to the house!! Then Daddy saw a big garter snake and that sent her back into the house again!! Then yesterday the baby fox snake had made its way back to the garden after Daddy had relocated already, this time Mamma screamed and manged to float up into the air as she flew to the house!! hehe I was laughin until I realized she took off without ME!! Sure thanks Mamma, run afraid for your life but leave the little crippled bunny to fend for herself!! Well actually Daddy was there to defend me and I hear it was so cold that little snake couldn’t have done me, any harm but I didn’t want him coming around me for warmth that’s for sure!!

Anyway I got to plant my seeds with some help from our crazy dogs! Actually they were pretty good, Mato licked me on my back feeties and seemed to know I was different so they just watched over me really once they got over the initial excitement of having me out in the garden with them. Oh one funny thing, Mamma has posted some pics of this on my profile album. hehe Mamma was holding me and Mato was there routin on me and suddenly there was this horrible stink and Mamma holds me up lookin at me with the goofiest look on her face wondering if I let something go in my diaper or what the heck!! hehe then the next photo she got a clue and she is staring at the dog with a look of sheer disdain and the dog is giving her the same look back all the while I’m staring at Daddy utterly horrified they could possible think I could smell like that! Had she not ever heard the saying, “those who dealt it smelt it!!”?

I even got to  supervise Daddy while he was diggin up the sod that had taken over the raised beds.  Mamma put me down in the bed and I managed to crawl right over to Daddy and took a nose dive right off the end of the sod into the freshly turned earth. Its a good thing I had my diaper on and my Tshirt so I didn’t get so dirty

So today will be a busy day, we got to go to the vet and I hear we’ll be visiting a garden centre and the grocery store so I guess there won’t be any work on the garden today but its coming along. The old broken fence has been almost all torn down and most of the surviving perennials have been dug up and transplanted to one of the raised bed so the perimeter will be mowed down leaving it just an open space except for the rose arbor and the big patch of decorative grass that will soon start to come up again. Its not going to be anything close to what it was in its prime, but the at least the wildness will be held back a bit with the lawn mower anyway and Mamma will able to maintain the raised bed on her own or with Daddy’s help so hopefully the snakes will move on now that their home has been turned on its end.

Well that all that is new here, I’m still in the game!! xox T  

Smoochies!!

Well hello my bunny friends…

Wow after that choking thing the other day both me and Mamma have been very paranoid and I know Mamma has been very upset. It has just seemed like we are all out of options Mamma keeps thinking if only I’d start eating again, everything would be OK…

So Mamma as usually went crazy scouring the Internet and links looking for some new ideas on how to handle this situation. Basically she thinks I know what’s best for me and me hiding my face is saying loud and clear STOP feeding me what you are feeding me!! It always seemed to work in the past to get me through but its not what I need now, especially for such a long term anorexia. Mamma says every pore of her being cannot just stop feeding hoping I’ll start to eat more on my own, she says she knows deep down I would not be here long if she just let it go so she says she can’t, she has to keep trying not matter what cause I”M still HERE!!!

So this is what Mamma suspects (guesses) is going on with me by her observations. I am having some kind of tummy irritation along with throat irritation that seems to irritated more by the food when I do eat. I seem to want to eat and I’ll start and then quickly give up and resign to meditating. In my animal communication I told the “Reader” my throat hurt the more Mamma fed me. Now Mamma really believes this, but the catch is, she can’t not feed me ~ we all know a bunny can’t go long without food and then its even worse with my condition as well

Now Mamma had hoped she helped make my food smoother on the way down by adding the baby food and it did help a lot, but recently Mamma has noticed I am having trouble swallowing, especially if the food gets too thick. so…

We found this page of links for rabbit health issues, http://homepage.mac.com/mattocks/morfz/rabrefs.html Now OMG its a lot of info there and stuff can easily get lost in all that is there, but Mamma has been taking the time to look through many of these links. There are a few there was different recipes for “slurry”, now Mamma always thought she had a good one and didn’t feel the need to look for new ones but thought she’d check them all out anyway, WELL OMG!!!

She found this one that is very interesting and its not based on pellets at all!! (although Mamma is adding alfalfa to it) This new recipe was created more for long term illness where as our old recipe was more for temporary not eating. Ironically Mamma has been most concerned with my fibre intake, my gut flora getting reestablished and somehow making my food more smooth or coated so it doesn’t hurt my throat on the way down. Well she found this recipe that has Slippery Elm which addresses all these issues, wow this is a wonder herb that makes a mucusy gruel, its high in fiber and is VERY healing for all sorts of problems in the tummy throat and lungs!! amazing stuff and its suppose to help with gut flora too as well as increasing the gut motility~ although its bad if there is a blockage or impaction, I don’t have this so we are safe to try this therapy. Plus she is adding Metamucil ( its very important it has to be totally hydrated before I eat it or it will suck moisture out of my gut and give me stasis!!!) Mamma takes a container and puts a wee bit of the Metamucil and lots of Pedialyte and soaks it in the fridge all day so there is no possibility of me getting not soaked enough) I get just a wee bit of this added to more Pedialyte, some banana baby food, some Orange juice, some alfafa pellets ( I really need high calorie food right now) a pinch of ground oatmeal also to add calories and put some weight back on, then she adds a bit of the slippery elm, NON dairy acidolphulus and some grape seed extract which is suppose to VERY healing as well. So all this makes a gruel that is runny but kind of mucusy so it sucks up into the syringe easy and with out the mess of the old recipe and its a lot easier for me to swallow. so far I’m on my third meal of this stuff so its too early to see if I am actually getting better, but at this point we’ve got nothing to loose.

So this new diet is radical with what I was on before. Mamma keeps going back and forth from alfalfa pellets to timothy, but I am geriatric and anorexic now so I really need as many calories in every mouthful I can get so its back on! So I am not hiding my face nearly as much as before, I am still scared as Mamma feeds me, but she asks me to try and I accept another bite.

I woke up Mamma this morning being a lot more perky and I’ve been talkin a lot more than I have in weeks too, and my diaper this morning looked a lot better too so my cecals are starting to firm up again and begin to take the shape of how they should look~ starting anyway… So far so good

So I’m still in the game, we refuse to let this keep me down!!

Thank you so much sweeties for all your support and love, Its you guys that give us both the courage and push to keep fighting through!! I love YOUS!!! xox T

oh kiddies, i had the worst day today

it started with the diaper from hell first thing. normally i pass the usual dry poo balls during the night, but the last few days i got very soft and messy cecals so i was very quiet this morning and let mamma have a bit of a lie in, but when we did get up and mamma did my diaper, omg!!! i had a huge stinky puck stuck all over me and it had plugged me up so much i wasn’t able to pee so as soon as mamma wiped off the most of it the water hose started everywhere so there was me and mamma, both covered in stinky poo and pee. i got put under the facet right away and finally i got clean.

so mamma let me rest for a while before she syringed me my breakfast, but i didn’t eat any of the greens she served me as my appetizer. so mamma looked over at gracie while she was doing some bunspace comments for me, and gracie was just about to go for a cecal, so quick as lightning, mamma grabbed her and had her in her carrier with the collar. two hours of sitting in there with her cheeks clenched again, finally that whiff of horrendous stink wafted out from the carrier and mamma knew we had payload. but it was all messy icky and soft, not its normal perfection, so mamma had to toss it. gracie was not impressed as she had to have her arse wiped clean and she lost her cecal. i guess it will be no treats for gracie for a few days before we can try again

so finally got my breakfast at lunch and the whole time Mamma was trying to feed me I kept hiding my face. Usually she’d stop, but today she wouldn’t cause I’ve not eaten in 12 hours and she thinks I can’t afford to not eat anything for that long, so she kept going. But then my mash got too thick and the worst thing happened i ever experienced. i started to CHOKE my eyes went all big and bulgy and i was trying so hard to crawl away while i was fighting to swallow it was awful!!! mamma grabbed me and held me upside down and was patting my chest and finally i could swallow and breath. mamma almost had a heart attack. This happened to her beloved Minnie once, but later they think she had a heart attack, but Daddy was able to save her with this same technique. the poor thing had to go to the bridge a few weeks latter with an enlarged heart mamma says that experience was the most horrific she ever had with a bun and today reminded her of that. She watered down my mash more and made me eat the rest of it while tryin not to cry and apologizing to me the whole time I was sulking. She knew I was scared, but she wanted to keep going and end as normal and not leave it with the height of all that fear.

So Mamma has been holding me on her chest all afternoon and I have been smoochin on her but I have been doing a lot of sulking too especially if she puts me down to do anything. And then to top it all off, she cleaned my ears this afternoon, its been such a SHITTY Day!! Then a three hours after all this choking business now I got the sneezies too. Mamma was holding me and i sneezed 4 times in a matter a 5 minutes. She keep listen to my breathing and she thinks everything sounds OK, but she’ll be monitoring me close for any change and if so I’ll be whisked off to the surgical vet.

~I really hope things start to get better soon, cause this is not any fun at all. Ok Mamma is on the phone now waiting to see if she can take me in, I’m acting weird. OK just talked to Deb, she says the sneezing is good if I got a bit of food up into my sinus during the choking thing, but other than that they can’t do anything that they would do for a healthy rabbit. I can’t go under anesthetic to have a nasal flush and she says I wouldn’t have been able to finish my breakfast if I did aspirate so they don’t think that happened (although Mamma did force the issue, but i could swallow)  At this point they can’t DO anything so its a wait and see and hopefully I can sneeze out what ever is irritating me. She also told mamma not to force feed me any more tonight and see if I’ll eat anything again on my own. We’ll see what happens tomorrow.

I think Mamma is very paranoid right now….