Tinkie A.D.

A bridge between the hands and the heart…

Hi Sweeties,

I wanted to let yous all know yesterday went better than could be expected. For the last week or so my breath has been almost putrid and I know even though Mamma was horrified by my breath she kept on smooching when I wanted any how. But a day of not having my mash and my breath is sweet again and I continued to nibble on my own all day pretty much. I would rest a while then wake up and nibble a bit and lay on Mamma’s belly and do a lot of smoochin which had pretty much stopped the day before.  AND I had a whole day with NO GAS!!! It was good to not have that pain, that makes me very happy.

So last night Mamma had me all wrapped up on the couch and she brought me anohter bouquet of greens from the garden, but this time she brought me lavender too and crushed it all up into my salad, I didn’t eat any of that, but I found the aroma to be most soothing and relaxing and I think Mamma thought so too. Mamma charged up all my crystals Maximus gave me earlier this year and she nestled them in beside me and she lit some blue candles in the pretty blue dish Maxie sent as well. She said a little prayer and we relaxed like that for the evening.

So I had a peacful night sleepin up in the bed with Mamma and I woke up here again this morning. I watched Mamma sleep for ages and she slept half an hour past the time my first meds were due, but I didn’t want to wake her, it was so nice to just see her relaxed and at peace not worried and hurting. Finally she woke up and got up with me to start our day.

So I am a little slower to start nibbling today, I had a nice snuggle on Mamma’s belly for a while to warm up, its kinda cold here today so I am well bundled up in my favorite blankies. I think winter might be on its way already, who the frig decided to live in Canada I don’t know!!  And where the heck is global warming!?

Amazing enough too, I am still making lots of poops!! Mamma says they are starting to look way better than they have in a little while, I’ve been making way to much of the mushy stuff This morning my diaper was not an icky mess, but had proper poops. I know Mamma is itchin to load up that syringe with that icky mash again, but for now I hope she just lets me munch the little bits I want as I like. You know, on my own terms!!

OK the reason for this blog actually was I wanted to share with yous this beautiful song that a bunderful bunny, Gable and her Mommy sent me the lyrics for. Her Mommy says this song makes her cry in a good way ,but when she heard it just yesterday she thought how perfect it is for Me and Mamma. She wrote out the lyrics for us and Mamma found this song on youtube so she wantst to share it with all of you. When me and Mamma listened to it we couldn’t help but think of our special friends that have inspired us both as well. Strong bunnies that surpassed all expectations as well, like Noodles, Cinnamon Roll, Mohare  and Quincy. There are many others as well that have touched our hearts in a way never to be undone, but these  friends stand out in their struggle and their longevity and of course the dedication and love of thier parents. I think the most profound thing me and Mamma both have learned here at bunspace is that when we open our hearts and share in a way that is real, honest and unconditional from a place of love and respect, we can be transformed, uplifted to a place of true wonder. The love I have or my Mamma has become even greater by having shared the journey and that is the gift all of you have given me. thank you for being witness to it, even when to do so hurts. OK I’m gonna shut my yap and let you enjoy the song, it is now one of our favorites, Thank you Gable for having shared this with me, you inspired me with gift! xox T

I love you all my sweeties

Hello my Sweeties,

Well I’m still here of course, my Daddy is not home yet so there should be no question. He is due home some time Monday, hopefully everything will go as planned and he is not delayed.

So last night was a bit better for me, Mamma elevated the front of my pet bed so I was sleepin up hill instead of like before I was sort of facing down hill. Mamma’s got a very cwappy mattress and when she gets in bed it makes a big dip in the centre and that is usually where I end up facing so this time I was able to keep my head up all night and Mamma was hopin it would help me feel better and be able to breath easier. So the night was peaceful until 7am when my tooth grinding woke Mamma so she could get me my Metacam. My Lasix is due at 2am so we’ve been up late every night and today I can see Mamma is lookin very tired. Last night she did sleep right through the whole night as I didn’t need her to comfort me so I guess that is an improvement. I chewed a few pieces of parsley first thing today, but I haven’t ate anything on my own so far for the rest of today. I am getting my syringed mash though so I’m not really hungry. I got a bit cranky about my mash this morning but Mamma reminded me if I want to wait for Daddy to get home, I got to keep eating even though its work.

We finally got the heart medicine for me and I won’t start it till later tonight seems its a every 12 hour thing, Mamma didn’t want to start too early seems we are up so late and sleep later in the morning. Holy Moley all these medicines are a lot to keep straight so Mamma has it all written out of what I get and when, but sometimes I can’t make it through to the next dose like ,my pain meds, neither the Tramdol nor the Metacam really get me through so I have them both staggered through out the day so I’m getting pain meds 4 times a day and that is not too bad for the most part.

I was weighted again today at the vet to see if I can maintain my weight on this Lasix, I’ve gone down from .98kg to .95kg and I did miss my breakfast yesterday so that is not too bad. We got to be careful the Lasix doesn’t start to dehydrate me, kind of tough on a paralyzed bunny. Oh I can sit up on my own today without fallin over so that is a huge improvement on yesterday. so I guess we win a little and loose a little too, but they kind of even out. Mamma has been told by the Dora Bunnies Mommy that the heart medicine will make me feel so much better. Her poor little Elsa had heart problems and still went on for three months on the Lasix and heart medicine, so I don’t know? Does that mean I’ll be here longer than we thought? Its hard to tell though cause I got all this pain to manage and the paralysis too on top of the fact I don’t eat on my own. You’d think I’d be miserable with all that but I’m not. I do sleep a lot but that is just relaxing and the rest of the time the smooches with Mamma are so wonderful, they make me so happy. Before the Tramadol I could hardly smooch at all, so its really making a huge difference for me. Things have gotten strange with my body though. I’m pretty much a floppy bun now and Mamma has to be very careful now to support my whole upper body. I got all my weight up top and I’ve not got any strength left in my back anymore, just in my front legs and my neck so its kind of awkward. If I’m laying on mamma chest this is most comfortable for both of us and I can still be quite bossy with Mamma if she is not smoochin on me right. I start pushing around her nose to just where I want it and of course I got to kiss on the lips, its not a kiss unless its on the lips ,LOL

Well there is not too much really to say about today. It rained and stormed here like crazy and we lost hydro for a while and have had our satellite out several times as well, but things are finally calming and the late day sun is shining, its been a good day all in all. I’m relaxed and content except when Mamma is pushing me to eat, but I know she is right so I keep at it even when I’m tired. I love you guys so much and I’ll let you know tomorrow how things go with the heart medicine, wish me luck! xox T

I’m sorry we didn’t update sooner my sweeties, but today has been such a day of turmoil. I’ll try to remember everything right so you know what’s been happening.

First off, last night was rough, the Lasix was not lasting long at all and Mamma was out of her mind with making her own decision to give more and more often. she got a message from the Dora Bunnies and she was saying I can have lasix way more often and to not be so afraid of increasing the dose, she also told Mamma about a heart medicine that works well with the lasix, so Mamma was torn up inside in trying to decide if this is what she needed to do for me or just let me go. So she sent all this info and an update via email to Dr Dave and he got back to her late at night saying to go for it. so I was started on a higher dose of Lasix at bedtime.

When morning came around I was much weaker and I could no longer sit up on my own without fallin over. Mamma gave me more Lasix and although my breathing became easier I was still so weak. Finally she decided she could no longer continue like this and called to take me in to have that special acupuncture done that will help me cross over. She cried when she wrote an email to Dr Dave telling him to forget about the med. Mamma held me on her chest and just cried, so I kissed each tear trying to tell her it would be OK, that I could still hold on longer. Steadily through the afternoon I mustered more strength. Mamma hadn’t fed me she wanted our last day to be relaxed and not stress me with the syringe, but I ate the bouquet she brought me from the garden, and I smooched her more and more trying to tell her what her heart was to broken to hear. I lay in her arms all afternoon and cooed and smooched her to try and ease her pain and to let her know I was still here! I know her insides were being wrenched out I could feel her pain and I understand her fear, but I’m not scared, I know I am surrounded in love.

We got to the Dr Deb’s at four thirty, I wore my new flower/bow from BooBoo, I still need to feel pretty even though I’m dying you know. Its always important to look your best. So even in the waiting room I nibbled some salad and squirmed enough to let Mamma know I wanted her to hold me so she did. Then Mamma let is all fall out of her mouth to Dr Deb and she told her how I was still rallying and how she just couldn’t go through with it and what about trying the new heart med. She said she knows we can’t win the war, but only a three or four days, just enough time for Daddy to get home to us.  So Dr Deb put in some needles to help me feel bit better but nothing that would move too much chi, then she cupped my head in her hands and opened her mind and Mamma watched very quietly. Deb held my face for the longest time then she sensed I was very foggy, groogy and very tired, Mamma says its the Tramadol doing that and Deb agreed it would, so then she imagined herself blowing away the fog from my mind so I could see and think clear again but I suddenly became overwhelmed with the pain again so I squirmed and cried a bit and started to grind my teeth, it was my way to tell her “no I need the Tramado”l, the sleepiness is OK as long as I don’t have to be in that pain. Then she let it go and she moved her hands to my heart and held them there for a while and opened her mind again, this time I told her goodbye. Dr Deb told Mamma what she sensed and she started to cry when she told Mamma I had told her good bye. It took her a while to compose herself enough to talk again and she started to get together some more things to help me. She told Mamma I am one special little bunny and that she really thought I was hanging on for her. It was then Mamma realized I was hanging on for Daddy! When he left to go to work last I didn’t kiss him when he asked me, I was feelin too terrible with the pain and he said it was OK, he’d get his kiss when he got back, well I got to give him that kiss, I can’t leave without letting him know how much I love him, and… well I can’t leave them each alone, who will look after them if I go and they are apart? They will need eachother when I’m gone. Daddy says I will always be a part of his soul and I know its that way with Mamma too, but I know they will struggle to learn to live a new life without me there.

So I got some heart herbs to help and some Potasium as well and before it was time to go Dr Deb held me close to her chest and said good bye and I smooched her to say how grateful I am for how she has cared for me, and she cried again but I know she was struggling not to. Mamma told them about the song Wembley’s dad did for me and they all watched the video. When it was time to leave Dr Deb stroked me on the head and said see you around and I uttered my “Woop Hoo” just to let her know it was not good bye.

Now this is the stinky part, seems it was so late in the day, the other vet  can’t get my heart med until tomorrow, it has to come from a special pharmacy and it has to be compounded for my dose! Cwap, got to get through tonight without, but I am determined so I will and Mamma will help me.

I know Daddy is releived I’m gonna stay til he gets home, I know he told Mamma it was OK to let me go and for me to let them go, but I can’t, not without saying my goodbye, so I will lay on Mamma’s chest and smooch her while we wait, that’s the only thing really giving me the strength to stay. Love is stronger than any medicine and I couldn’t have done any of this with medicine alone. Its always been Mamma and Daddy’s love, but also all the love all of you have poured into us, Thank you for standing by us and supporting us through the last year, even just being witness is a support because we still feel the love you have in your hearts. I have always hoped I have taught Mamma that everything life should be sacred, even dying. Its in that lesson that the beautiful gift of love was given to both of us through out my terrible struggle with illness. It wasn’t all bad, for every second of suffering also brought a hundred of joy and love. And all the bad stuff made the good stuff so much more treasured.  I love you all my sweeties, everyone of you have helped make this journey one to honored and well FUN!! Its been so fun sharing the photos and my stories, stories are not much fun if no one listens to them. I know you’ll all take care of my Mamma for me but I’m still gonna hang in there as long as I can, I know Mamma understands now and will do all she can. xox T

Oh my Goodness how can I forget?? I want to thank the Angel that sent us Nomies!! Thank you so much who ever you are, it really means alot for us. ((smooches my sweet)) And I want to thank Bambi and her family as they have given me the most awesome of gifts! They have decidicated and named a real life star up in the sky after me!!! Oh my goodness now if we can only find it in the sky, then mamma and Daddy will always have something to gaze upon when they are missing me. I’ll get mamma to put a picture of the certificate in my album later when she can. Thank you so much Sweeties it really touched Mamma’s heart to deeply xox T

Mamma here~ I don’t have too much to add to what Trinket has shared, other than to say I am in constant wonder at her understanding and her will to do as she sees fit. Right after the phone call she did everything she could to show me she was still worth fighting for, that I had to put aside my fear and my guilt and help her live our her journey. Mine is to be witness to hers and to assist as well as love her along the way. It will be over when she is ready. Each day is a miracle and I am so blessed to be apart of it, its a tremedous gift I have been given to be the care giver of such an extrodinary being.

When I told her Daddy what I needed to do, or what I thought I needed to do, he did support me in it, but even then he stil couldn’t bring himself to say goodbye ot her either.Its kind of hard to say good bye to your soul bun over the phone.

I have been so amazed at the love that has come forth from the furthest of places and the unlikliest of people. Dr Deb is a good example. She is strong person, not usually one for emotional connections with her clients. i know she cares deeply or she wouldn’t be able to do holistic care, but she is a Dog person. A person who has seen rabbits as lunch meat for her dogs, LOL I know its bizzare and now her soul has been touched by a wee little bun so small and trival in the bigger scheme of things, but she SAW her as many of you do. I live with Trinket so naturally I see her spirit, it does and always will amaze how all of you do as well. I know her pictures say a 100 words often and there is a light in eyes and her expression, but i just wish for you all to know the feeling in you heart when you hold such a soul to your chest and open yourself to thier wonder and their spirit. To hear their meaning in thier jestures and their sighs and know thier loyalty. I surrendered my mind and judgment in trade for the love of the most divine little creature. I guess letting go of that will hurt like hell, but I won’t hesitate a minute to do it again. She has become my Soul Bun.

She is resting now, I’ve fed her supper and she’s had all her meds, hopefully the night will go quickly and she’ll be bit stronger tomorrow. This is going to take as long as it takes I am just so grateful I am able to be here for her 100%. I couldn’t imagine having to work and take care of family or kids as well as doing this. I guess that’s been my blessing for her. She is most at peace laying on my chest so I trying to give her as much time there as possible. I’ve probably forgotton something I wanted to say, but then I am out of my mind right now so please forgive me. Thank you so much for all the comments and messages, they really do help so much. I am sorry I am unable to answer them right now, T is my biggest priority and too much time on the computer is too hard, but being able to read and share these words of comfort has been such a help to my heart trying to hold strong for her, Thank YOU xox Laura

Hello my furiends,

I’m still here this morning. The night seemed like forever but Mamma stayed up with me til 4am and then she only slept for 15 or 20 minutes at a time inbetween cuddles and smooches. I thought for a while I just might have gone on to the bridge last night I could feel everything going in to slow motion and feeling really distant from everything, but then suddenly snap! I was here again so I quickly give mamma a bunch of smooches so she knew I’m still here. I’m really really tired, the Tramadol is great for no pain, but its making me very sleepy and its hard, I wish to be more awake, but I prefer not to have the pain. The doctor told Mamma to have me exercise a little bit and so last night mamma put me on the floor so I could scoot around for a bit. My front legs made thier usual hoppy motions, but I couldn’t budge an inch, I’m right out of steam So me and Mamma have to settle for cuddles and massage to keep my body stimulated a wee bit.  I think its gonna be soon that I’ll leave, gee I hope Daddy can drive fast. xox T

Mamma here~ Well the Lasix seems to helping her breath easier. I had to give her a full dose before bed, it seems to me its not quite getting her the 12 hours. Today I am going to try and hold off on the Tramadol and see if I can manage her with just the metacam so she is not as groogy, but if worst comes I will give it to her.

Last night I held her on my arm and shoulder and at times I could feel her heart beating slower and slower, pounding in my arm and I could feel my heart trying to match her rhythm, it brought me physical pain just sharing it with her. a few times I thought she’d just slip away and I prayed for it, but she’s suddenly wind up again and come back to life and cover me in kisses. Same thing at night in bed, I held her as close as I could and there were long moments where I could not hear her breath and I craddled her chest in my hand and I could not feel her pulse it was so weak and again I thought she is finally letting go. I’d wait holding my own breath for a a few seconds and whisper her name and she’d suddenly breath again. This time there has been no panic or anxiety in her. She is calm and relaxed. I keep telling her about how all the pain will vanish and I talk to her about old stories she shared and how I remember her before she was sick.

I am still feeding her, I did last night and I’m halfway through this morning. I don’t know why, I guess I just don’t want to add stasis to her final time here and I hope it will keep her tummy from hurting from the meds. I’m going really slow and if she becomes too fussy I stop entirely. I don’t want to stress her but to keep her doing the things that are normal for her as possible. Its got to be soon though I don’t understand her strength, but she is still holding on to this life. Maybe she is waiting for her Daddy, I told her it was OK, that he would be OK and he was with her in spirit and that she didn’t have to wait for him. But she has alway been the boss of us and she’ll do it how she wants to do it and I’ll continue to do everything I can to help her do just that.

I really don’t know what else to say right now, she is hanging on, but she seems relaxed and not frightened. I’m freakily calm as well and still have not cried. Each time she looks up at me and kisses me I want her to see a face filled with the joy of having loved her all this time, not a face filled with pain. Its one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. In the past I’d have taken a animal and had them PTS at this point for sure, this is the first time I am attempting a natural passing as I think we have the suffering under control, its waiting from here on in, if it gets scary and out hand I will take her Dr Deb but for right now I’m just waiting with her. That decision could change at any moment, I am taking it moment to moment literally.

She nibbled a bit of cilantro this morning and I brought her a beautiful bouquet from the garden all her favorites, she hasn’t touched it yet, but I hope she will at some point.

Hey Kiddies

Well I just got back from the vets and well I don’t know. Dr Deb did say my neck was out pretty bad and she had to really work her chiropractic magic to get everything back as it should be. She did needles all in my face today and some in front legs, this was totally different. she was treating the tooth points and my shoulders so we’ll see how I feel for the next while. She did agree to giving me the Tramadol and so I just had some a little while ago. It comes in capules and I need half a capsule at a time and so apparently the stuff tastes really bad so Dr Deb said to mix in something super concentrated in flavor, like now get this Pina Colada mix, no rum of course. hhehe, it wasn’t bad I didn’t get mad or nothing. Mamma had a pina colada too but hers didn’t have the kick mine had. So I’m just waiting now to see how it makes me feel

I am feeling pretty sucky though and I crawled over onto Mamma’s lap from beside her on the couch so now she’s got me resting on her chest with my head on her shoulder while she is typing for me. I’m feeling kinda sleepy so I think I’ll have a nap.

Mamma discussed what happened the other night and Dr Deb has no idea what it was and she was surprised I pulled through it. Mamma asked what should she do if it happened again and I don’t know why she said this but she said to wait for my heart to stop!! OMG I don’t think so, Mamma did think I was going out, but no way, I’m glad she did give me that herb I think it did help calm me but you know if I was gonna kick the bucket it would have been then I guess. I supose I’m just not done yet with all I got to do. So mamma asked her to listen to my heart and lungs and she said its hard with buns to hear much in the heart, its so fast anyway they can’t count the beat, its more like a rhythm, but she did say mine sounded a wee bit like a gallop and that is a bit unusual. My lungs sounded clear, but Mamma thinks my breathing is a bit more rapid, but that would be the pain.

So Dr Deb thinks the pain is in my jaw, when she was working on that area I was very reactive and after our session she had all this pain in her arms which is unusual for her but she wondered if some transference was going on. Xrays are being ordered, but we got to wait to see when I can be fit into Dr Dave’s schedual. We’ll get my jaw and tooth roots looked at as well as a body scan. Mamma figures we should see how everything looks if we’ll be doing the others.

Throughout the last two weeks I have barely been smoochin, just enough so Mamma knows I want to stay with her, but right now this second I am smoochin all over Mamma’s face, I think that Tramadol is making me feel affectionate! LOl, I feel very sleepy and mamma’s neck is a good place to snooze, but i’ve got to wake up enough to smooch on her I have missed that so much. Mamma says we are not gonna worry about my speical herb for a day or two, we’ll see if I’ll eat if the Tramadol has me feeling better, then we’ll see if we got to continue with that. For now I’ll stay on my Yucca and Glucosamine, Mamma does think I am improving, but it should be so much better now with the extra help (Pina Coladas!!)

Its been a long couple of weeks, things have to get better, I’ve been stuck in my PJs for days, I guess maybe tomorrow I’ll actually get dressed proper for the day!! I got a couple new shirts from my Aunti Paula, she FedExed them I bet she was worried I might not be here when they got here if she mailed them. She is so amazing, like  a second Mommy just so far away. and I got the sweetest letter from my friend Minxie in the UK late last week too and today I got a cute little surprise from BooBoo, what a sweetie she and her Mamma are. So hopfully tomorrow I’ll be up for some photos, I’ve not been up for the camera for a while now and I don’t want Mamma taking pics of me when I look and feel so bad, I’d rather my friends remember me cute and lovely, not sad and in pain.

So my Sweeties, I’m still in the game for today anyway. wish me luck with this pain med, I hope I won’t be too sleepy on it, that’s no fun either. I wonder if I’ll eat, I know Mamma has her fingers crossed, if not, Mamma may just have to put in a special herb patch in the garden. I don’t know how that will go over with our neighbour, he’s a retired cop!!! mamma says she hates relying on others, especially if they don’t understand the importance of caring for such a special bun,maybe lots of people would think its silly or stupid, but Mamma says when there is something that will make suffering stop or at least be bareable until healing can happen, then she has to do what she can. Other wise she’d always wonder if she tired hard enough or really gave me a chance, especially since it is obvious I still got the drive to stay.Sometimes she really feels alone when it comes to the figuring out the options for me, thank goodness for Bunspace, many of you have been such an invaluable source of information and of course support. I don’t know if we’d have kept at this so hard had we been truly alone. Thank you sweeties you have helped me way more than you could possible know. ((smoochess)) xox T and Mamma

OMG how could I forget, Puds was on LOL bunnies today, she is a bit pissed though, she hoped her second submission would have been included with the first photo, the second one was of one of her stuffie babies head first in the water dish! She was a bit Mad we were all going out to the movies and she had to stay home, drowing her own babies was her way of showing the magnitude of her discontent. I guess the lol people didn’t want to show a bunny’s capacity for violence!! LOL it is funny though. She truly is a drama Queen that one!!

Hi Kiddies…

Well we are into day two with this Yucca thing and Mamma is not sure yet if its doing anything, she figures its gonna take a few days to really know. Yesterday she managed to keep me out of tooth grinding zone most of the day so it was easier for me to handle. She has noticed that even the higher dose of Metacam isn’t as effective as she wishes it was, I don’t know yet if she will go higher yet, I guess she’ll want to talk to my vet first before she goes higher again.

Well even through all this I did have an adventure yesterday. I went a special babies blessing! It was so nice to celebrate life instead of waiting, well for you know… You see Daddy couldn’t go and he really wanted to make it, but he had to take the load the boss offered or he’s still be at home for another week so I just had to go in his place, I hope I get to tell him all about it. Anway the babies Mamma, Andrea is a good friend of mine. She is a reflexologist and she used to come to my Mamma’s store where I was the Supervisor/Hostess and we had this lovely Oasis room in the back where services like hers and Reiki were offered. She used to do sound therapy and energy work on her clients too and I always liked to sit under the Reiki table and soak in the extra energy in the room. Every time she came which was once a month I go hoppin down to hall to go greet her and I sit up on hind legs to say hi, I Love Andrea, she always made me feel so good. I always helped her set up and if she accidently closed the door with me on the outside I’d sometimes thump until she let me in or I’d sit there patiently looking at the door. So naturally I was so pleased to be able to go to the special blessing for her second baby.

It was very neat, there was an Native Healer and his wife conducting the ceremony and they gave baby Henry a special Indian name that the Healer got through a vison, “White Eagle” Wow, that sounds like a powerful name! Anway we were all outside in a circle and everybody said a special blessing for the baby, I sat in my pink carrier and chewed on some salad while I watched. Then we all had our pictures taken too then it was time to go in and eat.

OMG, there were 5 little furless things~ noisy toddlers~ Human children Oh my they are busy little things, but very noisy. I sat on the back of the couch by the window and the little kids were very good to come over quiet and touch me gentle on the face. I was a sweet girl and did not complain. I used to enjoy meeting new people at Mamma’s store and I even liked the little kids if they were behaved, I miss those days, all the people lovin on me and going on about how cute I was

Well even the adults came over and would sit on the couch beside me and Mamma was across the room mingling with other guests and the people sat with me and some chatted me up a bit, I’d listen and nod in agreement every so often. There was no point talking too much I don’t know how many of them spoke Buniease. But I made the effort to be interested in each person that sat with me. Mamma knew I looked really sick though, but everyone pretended not to notice. I chewed on a bit more salad and Mamma even brought me a dose of special herb which I needed to have while we there. Andrea was very pleased I was there even though Daddy couldn’t come. All the people knew before hand a special bunnyw as coming and almost everyone was quite interested and sweet and asked lots of questions about me. But the weirdest thing was not one person made a weird or stupid bunny joke trying to be funny,you know the kind I mean about how tasty wer are! It was shocking but oh so heart warming!!

Oh I guess I was a big hit, it really helped I was dressed up in my pink camo dress and everyone loved my cute little diaper, OMG what gets some humans going!? Its just a diaper!!

So then we got home and I relaxed most of the evening. Mamma put me down on the floor to scoot around for a bit, last night was the first night ever I didn’t go out to see Gracie, I just sat under the exercise machine in the dining room until it was time for bed. Then mamma let me lay on her chest for ages and she gave me a little massage on my shoulders and she noticed I’d lean away cause of the pain, but she was gentle and she did some Reiki too and then some while later I finally relaxed and gave her a bunch of kisses and then we went to sleep.

This morning I did grind my teeth a bit and it woke up Mamma so we got up and I got my first dose of the herb for today. I am munching on my salad right now while Mamma is typing for me. Soon it will be time for my Mash and my Medicine Cocktail, hopefully today will be a wee bit better than yesterday painwise that is.

Thank you so much to all of you for still loving me, I know it must be so depressing just waiting on a friend to pack it in. But I am quite strong still and very stuborn so I don’t plan to go until I absolutly must and Mamma has done a good job keeping my organs working good despite the decline in my body. I keep all of you in my heart and it gives me this miraculous strength! xox T

Hey kiddies,

Well that special sedative has arrived, they had to get it from Southampton which is a half hour away. So we are still waiting on the next available appointment to get the trim done. We were just leaving the holistic vet when the surgical vet Dr Dave called over to them to see if we were still there. They will go a head and make the appointment and we’ll find out tomorrow when that is.

So…. Talked to Dr. Deb about my alternative Herb and she thinks its great!! It seems it hasn’t been reliable yet with stimulating my appetite ( just once so far did it make me want to eat), but it stopped me from grinding my teeth for two days while I was on it. Dr Deb thinks it would be safer than the Metacam for a longer term or in my case ~ a Hospice situation. She agrees little can be done about my teeth other than the trim and hopefully I will feel better after, but this recent developement of pain/ tooth grinding may very well be a sign of deeper trouble. At this point my acupunture is no longer effective, she is seeing less and less response in the office (she hasn’t been able to increase the strength of my pulse for quite a while now) and Mamma hasn’t seen any pick up the last few times. Deb says there is not enough muscle tissue to put the needles in anymore even at the front of my body, it goes through skin and then to bone so easily, so it can no longer stimulate the nerves to my organs. Thankfully the herbs seem to be working well. No more seizures, and my poops still look fabulous so mamma says my digestion must still be working Ok, cause I am producing lots and good quality poos, so that is a major good sign. We’ve decided to be very happy about this.

This was a huge blow though, but we knew it was coming, she warned us of this quite a while ago, but now its here. So it looks like Mamma is on her own now to try and keep me as comfortable as she can. Deb thinks the new herb is timely for this and a safer gentler option to the Metacam. So even if I don’t want to eat, Mamma will keep me on the Mash until I fight her too badly with that, then she’ll know its my way saying STOP, but for now I am still cooperative and smoochey and grateful to be relieved of my discomfort. I’m still very hopeful that the tooth trim will help, we have to try it to see. Mamma says she still can’t just stop trying to help me even when she knows things are more and more limited.  So Mamma cancelled next weeks appointment, but made one for the following week to check in. she is scared I can tell, cause for almost a year now I haven’t been able to go more than a week and half without my acupunture and a major episode occuring. I guess we are in the life raft now and having to bail fast.

So we drove to the store and I could see Mamma was in a daze, but Daddy is home again for the early part of this weeks so thankfully he’ll help to bring her back from the brink of tears. I need her to stay strong for me and to continue to help me and be aware of my needs and messages. I guess you could say its one day at a time, that’s all we got really, so today I am OK and enjoying what is most precious to me~ Smooches on my Mommy and Daddy.

xox T

 I’m sorry I don’t have a happy adventure to report, or news of another of my miraculous rebounds, but Mamma told Dr Deb, its not over until its over. Daddy mumbled something about a singing fat lady.

Hello Kiddies, in advance sorry this is so long!!

Well I am sorry I haven’t updated before now, been kinda depressed and frustrated the last several days, but I am hanging in there.

I did NOT get my teeth trimmed on Friday as expected I was so upset about not having my teeth done when I woke up on Tuesday from that very weird nap I had at the vets and although I wasnt’ looking forward to doing it again I want it over with. My mouth has been bugging me.

Anyway we called in the vet on Friday as we had a tentative 3pm appointment and Mamma was told it was a no go She did not understand why so sent out a somewhat crany email to the vet only to find her computer was not letting her send email, OMG what next? Finally around the late afternoon she got it working and then we had to wait to evening to get our reason why everything was delayed.

So this is the scoop. Dr Dave wants to use a different sedative than they normally use, but this one is very expensive and is usually bought in a bulk tray of 10 vials, they have used it before its good, but I guess there are cheaper options that are nearly as good so they never use up the vials so they don’t order it. So they have been calling all over the area to find a vet who will sell them a vial so they do my procedure (Dr D thinks they will have better success sedating me with this drug and its super safe where as the alternatives are stronger but not so safe on older/weaker animals Those were his words. so this stuff has to come by mail via a controled substace provider and it takes a week if they got to order it plus the whole 10 vial thing. Uh OH!! So I think we are still waiting….

The other thing that happened is the next few days after my partial sedation on Tuesday is that my teeth really started to bug me. I laid my face on the pillow one night in bed and there was a huge wet mark come up and I kept licking and grinding my teeth so Mamma gave me Metacam but I still tried to chew off my own bib I was so upset, so she held me for half an hour until I could calm down enough to go to sleep. I kept grinding my teeth for a few days and needed the Metacam, but it only works for 12 hours but you can only give it every 24, its not safe to give it more frequently. I wasn’t too happy

So the scary thing is that both Dr D and Dr Deb are now worried I got something more serious going on with my teeth as tolook in there they don’t look bad enough to be bothering me that much, like possibley a bone infection, or arthritis or who knows what and he wants to take xrays, but Mamma has said no to this for right now. although this scares the cwap outta Mamma she realized we can’t really go down that path anyway. I wouldn’t be able to handle any kind of surgery that is for sure and even the long periods of antibiotics I can’t handle either, it would all be too much and way to risky for me so what can we do? Not to mention things financially are extremely tight for the rest of the year anyway and now we already go a huge bill, it doesn’t make sense to do the xrays to have results that are just gonna upset her and she can’t even persue treatment. So we’ll wait for now.

So very controversially (desperately actually) Mamma has started to experiement with me and an alternative HERB that is known to stimulate appettite, especially in very sick people like cancer patients. There is no studies or data for bunnies and this herb so mamma is treading very carefully with very small doses. My first one I did get a wee bit sleepy, but not too much and then I did eat some salad on my own and later that day I sat in her lap in the truck and she hand fed me tons of greens. We were both so hopefull that we had finally found something that would help me out, but each dose since has not created any eating at all Mamma is so confused and frustrated that it appeared like it would work and then the next days no results. She is gonna talk over all this with Dr Deb on Monday as she is the herbal expert. We’ll see what she thinks. she had talked about this special herb with Dr Deb and Dr D before they both thought in therory it should work, but have no experience with it so she is on her own again.

With all that has been going on Mamma has managed to squeeze in an extra mash feeding each day and she and Daddy think I feel thicker up top again but my weight is still .9kg I was on my skate board yesterday and Daddy came around the corner and her found me on my back again and when he picked me up my eyes were darting  side to side just like the begining of head tilt!!

Mamma stayed calm and they took me over to the table by the window so they could get good light and see into my ears, sure enough in each I had a huge plug of wax again. So Mamma got together all the cleaning stuff, the q tips, the ear cleaner, the tweezers and Daddy carefully tried to pick out the plug of wax. Now my ears are so tight, even the vet finds it impossible to clean my ears,  but finally after a half hour or so of both them trying, Mamma finally successfully got them clean, even Daddy was super impressed as Mamma has such a hard time seeing up close. And you know what??? The eye darting instantly stoped after my ears were clean. mamam thought all the digging around in there might have inflammed it more temperarily but nope I was fine right away although they were pretty red. Its very weird how I am so sensative to a bit of wax build up, this is three times now my mini head tilts have been cleared up with ear cleaning.

OK enough of all that CWAP, now for some exciting news!! Mamma got contacted by some lady who works for a TV show/ Web site (Get Married.com) who is launchign a semi anual magazine in October. its mostly a planning guide for brides I think but anyway they got this pet section and sure there is a lot of dog stuff out there, the lady freaked out when she happend to find our Tinkie Couture on the net!! Hehe, that’s right she loved the wedding dress and the tiara! So she wanted Mamma to submit her photos for them to use in the mag. The only sad thing is they don’t want to use the pic of me in the dress cause I was very sick then and its sad not happy for a bridal mag so Mamma said she’d try some new pics of me and if we couldn’t get an upbead photo she’d make a new dress that would fit Puds.

After two days of sewing an alterations Mamma got a dress that fits both Puds and Gracie and would you know it, Puds was a complete poo head when it came to taking the photos and Gracie was like an Angel!! She was working that dress like any super model from Milan so I think its gonna be Gracie as the new and fresh face of Tinkie Couture in the the fall release of this magazine. hehe we even got movie clips of her hopin around the deck in that dress, OMG how cute, she didn’t freak out or nothing. It was so funny Daddy had her on a card table on the deck as taking the picture and all of sudden Gracie goes leapin off the table and ran over to her sand box so she could pee!! LOL what a good girl and she didn’t even get the dress dirty. She is so pretty. I feel bad my photo in the dress won’t be used, they don’t want to see a crippled sick bunny in a wedding dress And I feel bad for Puds, she was so excited about the idea of being famous, but I think Gracie really deserves it, this photo she looks so lovely, it won’t be one of the photos submitted, Mamma just thought she looked so lovely here she wanted to show you guys. Way to go Gracie!! ( I will encourage Mamma to hurry up and post a little vid of Gracie running around in the dress!!, OMG it so cute!!)

Oh and fianlly here is an old movie from last month I think that finally Mamma has gotten around to getting together for me. No fun music in this one, just a quick shot of me getting in my cart.

Ok so that’s it from here for now. We’ll go on a nice stroll in the stroller later today I think it will be nice, but right now its time for my mash. I love you guys!! (( smooches )) xox T

Hi Bunnies!

We’ll Mamma just got off the phone with Dr Dave and he has come up with a game plan with this newest trial of appetite stimulant. So the problem is that this particular drug doesn’t have any clinical trials or Stats from any Univeristies as it pertains to bunnies, so the information he has gathered are just from a few vets that have tried it on bunnies. Now naturally my case is complicated due to my continued deteriorating heath and that I am neurologically compromised with the E.C., now we add seizures to this and my low body weight coupled with low muscle mass so I have problems metabolizing meds. The seizures are due to the influence of the parasite or infection on the brain, They make tiny cysts or lesions,  the problem being there are no medications that can safely penetrate the brain, in bunnies anyway, I don’t know about other things. So with the mirtazapine we run the risk of further aggravating the seizures seems its a drug that influences the brain. So we are kind of in a pickle. Both mamma and the vet think this not eating thing has to be neurological since its been a year long struggle, I think I have spent more time not eating over this time period, but I am still bright and loving and curious.  So he says he cannot gaurentee that I will not have some icky side effects, although this drug as been known to be miraculous in healthier animals, but has been also used a lot as a last ditch effort and has also proven to just as miraculous.

So knowing full well we could trigger another seizure with this med (maybe, maybe not, no way to know for sure) both Mamma and the vet will go ahead and begin a trial with it. I will start very small doses and see if it works, if not we’ll slightly increase to a point that the vet feels we’ll stop without over doseing me. He says Mamma will start with a 1/2 tablet and have to shave off a bit less than an 1/8th of it and mix it with some water or something yummy to try first and we’ll see if it works, if not we’ll try again a bigger dose. I think he has more of his humerous ideas of Mamma bent over a mirror shaving up my antidepressant with a razor blade!! Mamma says I am not suppose to watch movies where they show those kinds of scenes, but little does she know I used to like late night TV until she started letting me sleep with her.

So I guess we are at a last ditch effort. I have been very tired since my seizure. I had a nice stroll in the stroller yesterday. We went down to the marina and walked along the water and the escarpment. It was a nice day, warm but not too hot, but when I got home I still didn’t want to eat nothing Mamma says if only I could have my gusto for eating back, it would totally change my life. I love her and I am spoiled loads, but I need something to feel excited about and my salads used to be that for me. Besides I need the energy that is for sure espeically to keep up with the garden duties.

So wish me luck that we have success with the first dose of mirtazapine without my whole world going sideways!!

OK we’re leaving now to go to town to get some, I’ll know more this time tomorrow.

I love you guys!!xox T

Well Kiddies, this was Mamma’s first video she managed to finish with the new camera. But so far I can’t see no “HD” so what the heck?? So far I think the picture qaulity sucks, maybe she did something wrong? Oh well, it don’t matter to me so much but Mamma is totally baffled! So this one is not the greatest but she was using two different editors on it so that might be why it’s not so good. She decided next time she’ll just use her usual windows movie maker to edit it and not the the software that came with it, which left her wanting way more ability to do stuff

Enough of that. So I did make it to the garden yesterday even though the weather was not so great, but it seemed to get better in the afteroon, the blackflies and mosquitos sure liked it!! Thankfully they buzzed all over Mamma and chewed her up and left me and Daddy alone, LOL. I was a bit tired yesterday so I wasn’t quite as active as I have been, but I did have fun climbing around in the soft dirt! Mamma says I am a dirty girl, I was so covered in dirt after, hehe, I don’t mind~ it sure felt good       

I don’t care if I look funny the way I got to move around, I eventually get where I want to go. Besides I find its way easier without my cart out in the garden, I guess I got the wrong kind of wheels on it

Trinket is a Dirty Girl!!

Mamma says I had dirt everywhere, just as much in my diaper as on the outside! So we got the herbs planted so now we just got to water them and wait to nom on them once they get big enough! Do you think Gracie and Puds will be grateful for my efforts helpin Mamma in the garden?

So in our blog, me and mamma have started a new category of Rabbit Health, and over there I have started a little article all on My Health Tips, I talk about the kinds of therapies and issues that have helped me in my day to day management of my E. Cuniculi. We even posted the new recipe for my Slippery Elm diet so check it out some time if you are curious. xox T