Tinkie A.D.

A bridge between the hands and the heart…

Animal Communication

This is a communication I got for Trinket. I have just copied word for word.

 Trinket Sept. 12, 2009

 ~Trinket says she wants you to know that she loves you with all of every fiber of her being. She says she would not have left you if it were not necessary and hopes you will understand that she had to move forward on her journey..as hard as that was. She says she held on for two weeks longer then she should have and was hoping this extra time would help to console you and prepare you.

 ~She says she was very fearful before she passed and her heart was racing…everything was very overwhelming for her.

 ~She says she can’t imagine how she would live without you if she were still living and you had passed so she understands how you must feel now because she is gone.

 ~She says you are needed here (on earth) to take care of the others. She says their are many other rabbits and animals that require your assistance and love. She says you really should have a sanctuary for ill or hurt bunnies.

 ~She shows a mother bunny  with babies and says they need you. She feels this opportunity has or will come to you soon and she asks that you assist them to the best of your ability. She says no one else feels and knows and understands or cares how the rabbits feel like you do. She says you are like the rabbit guardian on earth! She hopes you see how important it is for you to continue to help as that is your destiny.

 ~She says she came to teach you and to learn from you but mainly to show you how amazing you are and how your determination and love can help another being so greatly. She says she stands in awe of your love.

 ~She says the name “Peter”. She says you must check with him and be aware of him to see how he is doing. He needs your attention.

 ~She says she loved the grass and the smell of the outdoors and she misses this greatly. She also shows something creamy and white or off white that she misses. This looks like food/drink.

 ~She says thank you for holding her so much and kissing and loving her. She says you always comforted her.

 ~She shows a pink lead or something long and pink. She says this you should keep in her honour and all the other things should be given to those who need it.

 ~She says sometimes at night she comes to lay on your chest..to visit you and let you know she is okay. She says she sends her sent to you and hopes you can smell her and will understand that she is there with you.

 ~She shows a young girl that holds sorrow in her heart but keeps it help in. She says you must work with this girl to help her to let go of her emotion…let it out or she will become ill. Trinket seems very worried over this. She says to send her love and tell this girl that she is beautiful and glorious and important.

 ~She shows a grey and white bunny that is around you or coming to  you. She says he (feels male or holds masculine energy) will test your boundaries and will but this is more learning for you. She says his teaching will help you in the future. You need to know this so that it will be easier for you to deal with.

 ~She talks about a barking dog and says rabbits really do not like that sound. It is very irritating. (funny…as I write this my dog is outside and has not stopped barking the whole time I have been talking with her!).

 ~She shows discomfort (burning) in her sinus and in her eyes. She says this was very uncomfortable for her.

~She shows a picture or a remembrance of you holding her to your chest and smiling brightly. She says that is her favorite memory of you. She says your smile is very warming.

 ~She says you mustn’t get lost in the sorrow..there is too much for you still to do. She says she would be disappointed if you gave up now as she worked hard to set the ground work in you/for you for what is to come. She says she has every faith in you that you will move forward in love and honour her memory by helping others. She says it would be nice to call your home “Trinkets Place -- A Home For Wayward (or weary) Souls”. She says you don’t have to but the idea makes her smile and feel important and also forever a part of what you do/will do.

She says, with that she leaves you for now, in love. She says you will meet again but she needs to rest now.

 Thank you,

Sheila

   animal communicator    www.sheilatrecartin.com  

Laura here~ I read this over and over and I there is only one thing that does not make sense now and that is the pink lead. There hasn’t ever been anything like that. I look through her things and the only pink i can think of would be her shirts, but it doesn’t seem like this is it.

After mourning over a month now, I feel releif hearing from her. At first I wanted her to come back to me so badly, but I’ve come to feel differently. I wouldn’t wnat her to come back and risk safety and heath to find me again, I just don’t want more suffering for her. And I’ve come to realize too that when she was well, before she ever got sick, she was a different little spirit, her illness forged a new personality and spirit for her. To have just a buny again I would always feel there is something lacking. Sadly the only way to know such an expression of bunny spirit is through the helping of a sick one. That terrifies me to even just say that, its such a double edged sword. The cost of time and money and heart ache when a bun gets as sick as she was is extraordinary and many things had ot be given up in our lives to care for three in a row like that, I just don’t know if I could do that again.  I know we can’t stay in this house forever, we really need to find someway our of here to something more permanent and stable. I hope that can come soon, but until then I really need to just keep on my mission of waiting and helping the 6 furkids I got now and then we’ll see. It was always my wish to have many rabbits, but with many its hard to really have that closeness too. I was lucky I got that opportunity with T. Its a lot to carry on with after her, but this place in my heart always will be “Trinket’s Place” maybe someday that dream can be real. xo Laura

This is a bit of video clip I found of Trinket when she was about three years old. I can hardly reconize her and I can’t really hold this image of her in my mind. She’ll always be in my mind as she was earlier this spring, even when her disability and her little body deforming, she was the most beautiful. ;-(

This is from my bunspace blog

I can’t beleive what I am about to write here, I am still in utter shock. Cosmo, Trinket’s most darling friend who is more like a cousin has joined her at the bridge. I just got a call from his Mom Paula, who is so dear to me. I just can’t beleive it but I know its true. Cosmo passed away just within a few hours ago this morning. Paula found him when she woke up, he was still warm so it had not been that long. He was so full of excitment and joy at the prospect of last night’s salad and he enjoyed snuggles and smooches with her before bed. There were no signs of lethargy or anything amiss. He even had blood work and exrays done up about a month ago and his vet felt everything look really good despite a bladder infection was being treated. Paula is utterly devestated. Cosmo was a partial paralyzed bun who a lot like Trinket, was the absolute light of her life, her soul bunny. She has cared for him with such love and devotions and to have him gone from her so suddenly without the chance to say goodbye can only be heart shattering. Please, even though there is not a rainbow above his name yet, she is too shocked and numb to even begin to be able to come here and do that yet. Please let her know she is not alone. I only wish I could somehow be there to help her. This year she already lost Gertie after her amputation surgery and then she lost Honey her heart Kitty not too long ago and now Cosmo

Somehow I can only think that Trinket and Cosmo are now truly together, watching over us both as we greive for them. I just can’t beleive this, its just too sad to contemplate.

Here is Cosmo’s profile http://bunspace.com/view_bunny?bunid=4167  How will the world be the same? I miss you so much already sweet Cosmo. xo Laura

This is from my bunspace blog

Well its been over a week now since Trinket left and I getting through the days, but its work. I still have periods of intense sadness and I’ll cry at nothing, but then seem to be able to get on ok for a while again. I know this is going to take time.

So I guess many of you have heard about the first adventure with Puds and Gracie that we had on Saturday. It actually didn’t go too bad considering it was their very first outting and only the second time on a harness. But Puds did have a mental break down on Sunday and it was enough to put me over the top too. I had to laugh at her running up the stairs flicking her feet at me and falling up as she went because she was so upset, she was only making it worse for herself. I swear I could hear her yelling “I hate you I hate I hate you”. Never words I thought I’d feel from any bun of mine, but it is Puds we are talking about. When she went into emotional overload on Sunday because I did not have the salad served up at precisley the first 10 seconds that they were out of bed, by the time the end of the day rolled around, I was an emotional mess. I don’t know what the heck hit me, but everything did. I feel so bad for Puds I think she might have some issues with her ability to handle her emotions. I sometimes wonder if she would be the human eqivulant to being developmentally challenged. For the most part she is a happy bun, somewhat oblivious most of the time, other when she gets angry or upset, then you better duck because something will be about to happen.

Finally around supper time, her hunger strike ended and Gracie eased into being her normal self, I really think that Gracie is one smart cookie. She knew she had to be the emotional support for Puds through it all so she only ate on the sly when Puds wasn’t around. For the most part, every time I approached them with apologies or with food they would take off but slinking back after I left to eat my offerings. Today is fianlly back to normal!! so I’ve come to this realization that they both may be feeling immense pressure by my neediness and my loneliness. I know the house feels so empty and gloomy and I know they are so sensative to the energy of us humans. I still think Gracie is up for it, I think she would appreciate being adored and doted on 24/7, but Puds likes her balance between care and neglect. It has to only be on her terms. So we may have a battle of wills as I am not yet willing to give up on her.

I couldn’t bare bringing home another bunny baby right now, its too soon and it would break my heart to think I could blow any chance of every having Trinket’s spirit back with me, so I will wait for a sign I guess, an urgency so strong that I cannot deny it then I will proceed. For now the two Hellbun are going to have to lay down their pitch forks!

Trinket will be coming home soon. I am anxiously awaiting the call. A special urn has been made for her, comissioned by Gimli’s Dad. I have finally been able to look at a picture of it and its so perfect, but I want to wait to show all you until she is in it and back at home with me. I hope having that urn here with her ashes may help me feel a bit more closure, as I am still feeling so lost. Gimli’s Dad has been such a sweet heart, a real gem too and his thoughtfulness and deep consideration has made something that will truly be perfect for such an exceptional girl. I also was informed by my vet that he had made a donation toward her outstanding vet bill. All the staff at the vet’s office already knew how deeply Trinket was loved, but I think they are quite in shock at magnitude of her reach. never have they seen such a generous communtiy of people reaching out to help a bunny and her family. I really can’t wait to see their reaction to her urn I know that just the idea of it coming all the way from California to Ontario has them in awe, wait until they see it. Its really one of kind for a one of a kind girl. Even beyond the end I have found a good friend trying to ease my stress and pain. Thank YOU.

Today I received a parcel from Trinket’s best friend Tasha and her parents. I called down the girls who were sleeping upstairs under the chair in the office, but they wanted no part of it. Too bad because there was lots of tissue paper and they love that. But anyway, getting this parcel open was like going on a journey. First in teh big box I found this beautifully wrapped present. All the colors were T’s favorite and it had pink ribbon and a big pink bow. I just sat with it for a while, I didn’t want to open it at first. Just its prettiness was enjoyment enough, but somehow I knew the contents could be hard for me to find. After a while I took off the paper and found that the box itself was gorgeous and beautiful. I knew right away where ever was inside would be preicous but also that box will be perfect for keeping her chair and her clothes in. I had mentioned to Dave I needed a hope chest to put all her things in, I want to keep them in  honorable and beautiful manner so I can open and go in a journey of remembering her. “sigh”

Finally I felt ready to go on and I lifted the lid, there on top was  large envelope so I pulled out this beautiful picture. Its Tasha under a star lit sky with little Benny and Jetty

When I read the words, I couldn’t hold it back and I sat there and cried and cried. It touched a special place in me really knowing that Trinket will go on, and her story will be told. I feel so hopeful knowing her story will go on like that light of the star, long after she is gone. Just this beautiful picture was treasure enough, but there was more. I lifted a sheet of tissue filled with all these little gems and underneath was a picture of Trinket framed in a lovely frame. When I went to lift it out, music began to play and realized it was a music box. Tears again falling quickly and my throat squeezing shut I sat speachless holding this wonderful memory of my sweet angel while softly “You are my Hero” played from within the box.

My beautiful girl surrounded in all her favorite colors and the sparkles of the night sky!! Inside the box was just as special, for in there I found this precious bunny sitting on a pillow of stars.

So I’m sad and happy all at the same time, its a strange feeling. Sharing love truly does keep us from ever being alone.

So its been an emotional few days, very strange indeed, but I know this is all part of the process. I have still been spending a lot of time sitting out on the deck late at night, sitting in the dark, burning candles looking up into the sky talking to her. I can’t seem to stop talking to her. I never realized how much I talked to her when she was here and some how I can’t stop now, it feels so strange to ignore her or where she would have been. I have a picuture of her framed by the bed and I kiss her good night and good moring and take a few minutes to just gaze at her and remember how she felt when I held her. Today I went for groceries the frist time out in the truck alone without her, I cracked the windows and told her I’d be back soon. Insane I hope not, I am still going through those motions that were such an automatic thing. I know she is gone but for now I still need to honor her as was, for a while longer anyway.

I’m still making my way through the condolences, so I have not forgotten anybun yet, and I hope I don’t becasue I do really want to take the time to address each message as they all mean so much to me. But I am finding I can only do so many in a day before feeling so emotionally drained so I’ve decided to be OK with how long it takes, I know you all understand. But this process feels good and I find each day I less erratic in my emotions, now its mostly just a numb kind of feeling for the most part, with some bunny drama thown in to keep rooted! Thank you so much for helping me through this, it really is the hardest time I’ve had with saying good bye. xo Laura

I surrendered this life for the next at 12:59 pm EST today at the vet office with the help of Dr Melissa, with Mamma and Daddy holding me. I’m sorry I am no longer in this world enough to speak through Mamma so she will have tell you my last thoughts and how my last adventure unfolded. Good bye my earth friends and hello my Rainbow Bridge friends, I am now ready to be among you. Much love forever and ever and as long as there is light there shall be love, xox T

Mamma here~ This is the hardest entry I’ve ever had to write, I imagined briefly before when things go really scary, but this not how I thought it would be.  Somehow I am calm, yet not truly rooted in my body. I know she is gone but I look around and she is still in every inch of space and as she has been in every second of thought I have had for months and months, she is still there, but I cannot hold her.

This morning I woke up late (although I did get up earlier to give her meds, I pre fill the syringes and bring them to bed so I can still give them to her even with my eyes half closed, then I roll over and try to top up my sleep), I’ve been so tired, just exhausted and I feel like no matter how much sleep I cannot become replenished. Trinket was calm just sitting beside me in the bed. She had not eaten any of the green I brought with her to bed and when I leaned over to kiss her good morning she did not kiss me back. She appeared very weak, and she has been growing weaker daily for some time. I brought her downstairs to her couch and when I changed her diaper there was not poop and very little pee. Well I knew there would be a day when digestion would come into play so I did not panic even though I knew it wasn’t good. I first called Dave as he was on his way home but not expected until later. I let him know about her and that I would need to take her in to get some Metoclopramide to help get things going. I then called the vet but they wanted to get back to me if she would need to be seen or just fill a prescription for me.

We began our normal morning routine, I got all her kit ready for her morning feeding and organizing her meds. I got her mash ready and had her herbal cocktail all ready and began to syringe her a bit of it along with some water. Suddenly Trinket began another Cardiac Episode and was struggling for breath and she clawed the air in front of her. She cried out again just like the when she screamed at the vet’s when she had the pneumonia, but she was so weak… I held her to my chest holding her tight thinking it must be her time and I comforted her as much as I could, telling her I was here with her and she’d be OK she could let go. Her breathing became labored and every once in a while I could crackling in her breath and she began to make gulping gestures as she fought for breath.  I called the vet back to let them know she was in crisis and I was bringing her in now. I called Dave to let him know I was rushing her in and if he couldn’t make it on time I might have to help her pass. He was still quite a bit away, but it would be close.

After about 10 minutes in the truck she had another episode, she was scared and I fought with myself should I just pull over and hold her until she pass or keep driving. I put my foot into it and I held her chest in my other hand and poured as much Reiki into her heart as I could hoping she’d hold on just a little longer, I tried to fill her with peace and steadiness. It was hard at time I just wanted to scream, but I wouldn’t let my mind hold the horrible images of her last moments until later and I kept driving. I tried to watch to see if she was going pale if she was getting enough oxygen, but I could feel the pounding of her heart in my hand and I knew she was still with me holding on with all she was. I’d look and sure I would be headed for the other sided of the road, thankfully its on the back roads and I prayed for not cops and no wildlife wandering in the road. Every mile agonizing for both me and her, she’d become calm for a while and then struggle to breathe again, but then rest again. I could feel her pounding heard irregular and vibrating through my hand, shooting pain up into my arm. Finally we made it into Owen Sound and sure enough Traffic is gridlock. It seems every other street was impassable due to construction, there would only be one route, though the thick of traffic. So there I was holding her heart in my hand and making our way to the vet.

When we arrived there was a pickup truck in the parking lot with several people all surrounding this big beautiful dog, clearly in major crisis, they were there to euthanize it right there in the truck. All the people were crying and hugging this poor dog. My two usual vets were not on, it was Dr Melissa, whom has not been my favorite as we had not developed a rapport and I found her to be a tad text book, being a young vet I found she lacked a certain gracefulness when I had to euthanize Koda the dog last fall. But any time I was in with Trinket, Dr Dave would call her in to take notice of certain conditions occurring; I suppose teaching her along the way. I felt her to be competent but I felt lost without Dave or Deb as they had years of personal experience with her. By this time Trinket was calm again so I had her wrapped in her purple blanket and I held her close on my chest whispering to her while we waiting for Dr Melissa to help the poor dog along. Five or ten minutes tops we were shown into a room and a few minutes later Dave walked in the door. I don’t know how he did it but he made it, thank you God!! WE each took turns holding her and then Dr Melissa came in to examine her and hear the morning events. She first listened to her lungs and the rattling was so bad she couldn’t make out the heart sounds to even know if things in that area were alright or not. She had pneumonia and it was getting drastically worse as the minutes went by. Dr Melissa presented some options for treatment, but every second longer that I tried to fight for her was imprisoning her in a body that was nothing but pain and anguish, it was time. I looked at Dave and said are you ready and he nodded with eyes filled with tears. I told Dr Melissa how every time we euthanized a bunny it was so traumatic for us and for them and that was why I was fighting so hard for a natural death of my sweet girl, but I knew we could no longer continue. I asked her if we could over sedate her so that she would be far under that they could proceed with the euthanasia drugs without her being conscious, she said we could but too much sedation would make the veins contract and they wouldn’t be able to push in the final drugs. So then I asked her if we could just give her a massive overdose of narcotic to make her go to sleep and stop her heart as she was already so weak. Dr Melissa said that was an option. She left us with her a short time so Dave and I could hold her and say good bye, each second she struggled to breath more and more, so weak yet battling so hard to cling to life.

When she came back she had a syringe of Ketamine and Diazapam , way more than would be normal for her and then she injected the euthanasia drug directly into the stomach cavity instead of into a vein. She gave her three times what would be a normal dose. This was a method she found on line, the stomach would absorb the drugs and do their work quickly, but more could be given if needed. This method would most peaceful she would just go to sleep like the times we did her teeth. Dave and both took turns holding her and she slowed down, not suffering finally but going to sleep while Dave was holding her she took her final breath.  She was  wondrous life extinguished from the physical realm, but now free and immersed in all things. I told her as I held her of how it was OK to let go, how the pain would be gone and she’d wake up so energized and that she’d see all her house mates, especially B and Minnie and how they were waiting for her along with her closest Rainbow buddies. I told her she’d be received in love and not to nip either Minnie or B but to smooch them for me. Lastly I told her I’d be with her always as she had a piece of me with her and I had a piece of her with me. I asked her to someday come back to me and I know she will as she was a Buddhist it was her belief to return and even greater light. I don’t know now how I will know, but I have faith she will return to me.

I had wanted her to go in her Recycle shirt, but it was in the wash and not yet dry when I had to rush her to the vet and Dave didn’t want to part with her Cuter than your kid shirt so she was sent naked into the next life, but with Dougie at her side and wrapped in her Purple Blanket from Aunti Paula. Purple was her favorite color, the color of royalty and The Purple Heart is  given to the wounded in war who have fought bravely, My best guess is that it symbolizes the power of the wounded person to survive and that she did with such grace and love.

Thank you my sweet girl for showing me the reverence of life, the glory of love and connection to all things. I still can’t believe you are gone, how will I go on now in a world without you? I see you in all things that surround me. I have walked with you in life to the edge of the meadow and now I leave in the arms of the angels.

 I want to share this video with you. Many of you will probably already know it, but I’ve thought of her and I whenever I listen to it and its been some time since I’ve been able. Although my favorite is the origanlly done by Death Cab for Cutie, this particular artist does a beautiful cover

After the vet Dave and I went down to the park to stroll around and talk about how we were feeling and to share our favorite memories. Then we went into the restaurant we always ate at with Trinket and sat in our favorite corner. Dave pulled out the chair beside him as he always would for her and he left his parsley there in honor of her. We then had to go to the grocery store. We wandered around the isles and some how even though I had a list I was still lost and forgetting everything I needed and we’d have to double back. But life has to go on, Trinket would want it that way. And I will even though I’m numb and empty inside. The drive home was the hardest for me, the seat next to me empty, that place where she should be. But coming home was the worst and each of took a few moments to look around and cry, letting the saddness seep in a little further. I quicky rounded up all her meds off the coffee table and her uneaten breakfast. then I packed away her toys and blankets on her spot on the couch which I shared with her. The silence is deafening, I hope some how I will remember the sound of her little voice the feel of her sweet kisses on my lips and her wet nose on mine, but mostly I hope I can remember the feeling of her heart beating next to mine, both us meeting halfway in a consciouness sacred and brilliant.

Dave just told me when we were doing our errands and walking around he had a feeling or sense of a little black bunny hopping along behind us, following us for a while until she finally faded away. If my heart could break anymore it would, but I think that would be just like T, “hey were are you going I’m still here!!!” But I know she will be emersed in the light as I let her go over and over again with every breath left in me, I guess we are still struggling. I have lit some candles for her and I keep in my thoughts in that light, complete, happy and free from all the confines of her little body.

Thank you so much for being witness to my miracle girl, for sharing our heart break and our joys. Its been through all of you we have both discovered the sacredness of our bond and I am eteranlly grateful. I know there will be many tears with mine tonight and I thank you for helping me carry this pain. Trinket has been so proud to be seen and understood and to be known for the true spirit that dwelled within a little fur suit. Even right to her final moment she was teaching us,s showing us a different way if only we ask. I am so grateful I had to strength to be her voice and help her live her story.

Namaste, xo Laura