Tinkie A.D.

A bridge between the hands and the heart…

Well my sweet friends, I have mixed news…

First I AM getting stronger since I started the heart medicine (benazepril). Last night Daddy put me in my cart and I went sprinting off into the hall up to the kitchen then turned back (had a break at the end) then went back into the living room and then headed to the dining room, hung out for a few minutes, then I headed off into the kitchen (I have never gone in here before on my own) Mamma had to rescue me seems my front legs went all spayed since the floor was so slippery, but then I headed back down the hall again toward the front room where Gracie lives. Mamma had to help me at the ramp though cause by this time I couldn’t lift my feet high enough to clear the matt, but she helped and I wheeled out to show Gracie that I was STILL the alpha bun of the house! So There!! hehe then Mamma helped back to the living room a few minutes later and then I was done flat out. Back to the couch for me for the rest of the night, but this was the most I’ve done in days and days.

So I still sleep most of the time, but I seem way more stable.  Today I ran out my Lasix so we had to go see the vet Dr Dave to get more and more Tramadol too. Mamma noticed today my left eye is really sore and I have been getting cloudy in both eyes for a while and the vets have been keepin an eye on them, apparently they are fatty build up on my lens and not to worry about them, they are a sign of old age and illness but they cause me no pain or problem, but today seemed very different. Anway it was a beautiful day here, breezy, warm, and the sky had clouds so it wasn’t too hot cause of the sun so we thought we’d do a stroll today as well.

Off to the vet and guess what he said, I am doing WAY better than the other day!! He called me the Energizer Bunny and is in disbelief about how much improvment. I have to say I am still very sick and still far from where we’d like me to be, but he said almost everyone else would have me PTS (he needs to check out BS!!), but seems Mamma is SO tenacious and willing to do all she does and is very perceptive to my needs as the complication arrise he feels we can keep going for a while. He says another caridac event very well may end it for me, but for now the meds are working together and he feels the heart meds will help my heart even though its damaged. He says I will always need the meds at the level I am on right now and at anytime they may become ineffective, but for now things are looking hopeful. He says he is gonna research more options for Pain control too so maybe I won’t have to be so sleepy!!

So the sad news is I have an ulcerated eye. He thinks its just happened in less than 24 hours and mamma and Daddy can’t figure when its happened, I haven’t had any hay or been near anything sharp, the only thing we think maybe in happened in the night. Its on the side Daddy sleeps on and maybe I got too close to his beard, we don’t know Anyway he says its bad enough but not so bad it can’t heal, so I got some drops I got to get every 4 hours and I’m already on all the pain meds, Metacam is most favored I guess for is inflamation reduction powers as well. So my eye looks aweful, its all white in the centre and full of dye right now where the hole is. What more can I go through I wonder, this is getting a bit rediculous I have to say. Mamma was very upset but stayed calm and went through everything with Dr Dave about being able to continue and although he first thought not, he does now think we are strong enough team to stay ahead of  this thing for a while. So its still day to day, but I think we can put some more of those days together!!

So with that all said, we did have an adventure today, even with my sore eye! First we stopped in Keppel at this cute little parkette so Daddy could change my diaper (apparently I was stinkin them out of the truck) The Ladies Institute built this lookout over the bay and they had made a beautiful Tea Party Setting all made in cast steel, I had my photo taken with Mamma and with some tea cups and tea pots. Then after the vet we went down to the Harrison Park in Owen sound and we strolled around after Mamma and Daddy had a little picnik dinner. We saw these very crazy people on the river, they took these inflatable air mattresses and were riding them down the river!! OMG it as too funny so Daddy got some pics. It was very relaxing and Mamma says somewhat emotionally rejuvenating although they are both pretty depressed and exhausted from everything that has been going on.

Here is a picture of me from this morning. I was pretty exhausted after having my morning Mash and feeling a bit sorry for myself considering my eye (I’m feeling a bit better now) So I was hanging out with Daddy on his belly. It was kind of humid so we were both hanging out with out our shirts off so please be nice!! Daddy tried to use the flash, but the light just exploded off his belly so he had to take it without so it might be a bit dark, hehe  so i’m hanging in there still my wonderful friends, I am so overwhelmed by all the love, prayers and TEARS. Thank you so much, Mamma says all you that have shed tears for me this week must have somehow helped her Not shed hers. She only broke down twice and I did smooch away her tears, I know she loves me so much, but I have been so grateful she has remained strong and kept moving forward even when everything seems hopeless. I know its been hard on her spirit, wavering from hope and dispair all within hours and then back again. But she did understand me when she was about to give it all up, when all I could do was smooch like crazy and eat as much as I possilble could just to say please hang in there with me Mamma, I got more to do yet. I really need to make my exit on my own terms. For now I am concentrating on LOVE, the love I have here, the love I have for my Mamma and my Daddy and the love I got for Puds and Gracie too, just don’t tell them!! ((smooches to All YOU)) xox T

My Dearest  Friends, Bunny and Two Legged…

Well Mamma and me just got back from three hours  at both my vets this afternoon. First Mamma decided she was gonna play hard ball with these nasty seizures and wasn’t gonna just sit around so she decided on the homeopathic approach she was gonna take and also see about the seizure med from my vet to have as back up if it didn’t work. So off to town we went and we got in to see Dr Deb. She had suggested we treat with Pancur again and she dispensed some Diazapam for me to have recally when I have the next episode. The sedative will work within 5 minutes and calm enough to stop from causing further damage. Now as far as the phenobaritol goes, here in Canada it’s a controlled substance, the vets don’t even stock here and it would have to ordered form a special compounding pharmacy in the city. It will take a week or so to get here and it will be very expensive, but Mamma said to go ahead and order it. So while I was there, Susan the tech called over to the other office about when I could get in for x-rays, they said I could go right after I left there. So we did.

Well we had to wait for a while and there were so many dogs there, but eventually I was taken back for my x-rays. The tech said I was very placid they asked if Deb dosed me with Diazapam and Mamma said no, I’d been like that since the seizure. We waited and waited and finally the doctor called Mamma to the back to look at my pictures. I’ll let Mamma tell you. I love you guys so much xo T

Mamma here~ It is my worst fear. My sweet baby in now in congestive heart failure. Her heart has begun to enlarge and her lungs are filling with fluid. Not much could be processed in my mind after that flow. I managed the rest on auto pilot and I have to fully process what is happening. OK first off teeth looked good not signs of anything that would be causing the level of pain she has. We couldn’t really make out the jaw so good so the question is still out on that one. She does have severe  spinal degeneration just behind her shoulders (this was not so much a surprise to me with her body deforming from her hind end issues) Dr D, thought the condition of the spine alone would account for her paralysis , but she still has sensation and movement, the joint is fused on one leg and the other is so atrophied and splayed it may as well be paralyzed.  So there wasn’t any definitive answers to why is she in so much pain.

OK back to her heart. I went over both her seizures with Dr Dave and in light of her x-rays it is now believed that they were not seizures at all, but cardiac events which brought on her extreme panic. Heart arrhythmias or even heart attacks I suppose. Ironically that is what first came to my instinctively when she had that first one in the middle of the night and last night the choking would be her not able to breath, I guess my banging on her chest help get it back to what it should be doing. So I still don’t know if seizures brought on heart damage or for sure heart damage has brought on these events. Its most likely the heart brought on the episodes. So I’ve canceled the phenobarbitol and I asked the vet about Lasik. At first he was apprehensive in treating her with it, being such a small bun and the fact she lacks the physical condition and that she does not eat and drink on her own. That said he did admit he had never treated a bun with Lasik, but finally agreed to try it for a few days to see how things go.

I had just heard her death sentence, no doubts we are at the end here and going further is sheer craziness, BUT all I can think is of her Daddy and how he needs to be here with us when her time is brought about by our hand. I will admit I am not in my right mind, haven’t been for a while now, but I just can’t say euthanize her, I can’t do it with all our past experience I can’t do it to her or to us. I’ve had it in my mind I want this to happen on her terms, although I can accept the idea of attempting the exit via acupuncture (if that will really work I am willing to try it) With that said, I am taking this minute by minute, she could have another episode at anytime and nature has made the decision for us. I believe the Lasik will give her a chance at being able to breath and to be comfortable while we wait for the inevitable and when Dave gets home, if she is still with me and we’ll take her to Dr Deb and see if we can give her an exit with dignity and peace.

When I told Dave tonight he was in state of numbness as well but had to admit he wasn’t shocked. He is heartbroken and I can hear the tears quivering at the edge of his words. He’s 2200 km away from home and powerless, but he has agreed to me taking her in any time when I feel I must.

So far I do believe the Lasik is doing its job, she seems to be a bit brighter than this afternoon and I am hoping/thinking her breathing seems easier. She’s given me kisses at the vet and once we got home. I’ve gotten half her dinner into her and I’m letting her rest for a bit before I give the other half. She is back to making her little murmurs while she sleeps and that is normal for her so its music to my ears. I have not cried yet, I can’t let myself as I know I will not be able to stop and I don’t want to scare my sweet girl, so I holding my heart in my throat.

I can’t help but think this is a like a replay of my sweet angel Minnie. She had two years of being born again after her mate died, she blossomed into this incredible sweet precious thing and then a year of serious and heart wrenching battles with her heath and then she died (PTS) because she had an enlarged heart and was in heart failure. It was like her love could not be contained in that body and it burst forth, she was beyond hope and treatment, it broke our hearts to have her go like that and now Trinket too has just blossomed into who she is now in last two years. Her illness has been our greatest enemy and our greatest gift. I just can’t conceive living a moment without her, she has been at my side every moment of every day and has rallied through everything E.C. has thrown at her and more. Last week at the hair dresser was the longest I had been not with her physically and it ate at me, it was crazy.

I guess there isn’t really anything else I can say. I’d like to wish you all the greatest joy with your babies. Love them like it’s the only moment you’ll ever have because its gone so fast. Thank you from the bottom of my broken heart for all the messages, the phone calls, the words of comfort, the support, the gestures of love and friendship, the wonderful little gifts and notes, everything…. It was never expected in a million years how you have all fallen in love with my sweet girl, Thank you for making the last year of her life so wonderful even while its been so tragic~ Thank you.I have finally laid down my hope and now I pray for the ulitimate healing, a swift and peaceful death (rebirth) for my darling friend and companion. 

I have to stop know I’m about to loose it entirely.  I’m so sorry to bring such sad news.