Tinkie A.D.

A bridge between the hands and the heart…

Cute little Trinket dressed in her best evening wear, steps up to the mic… Ladies and Gentlebuns!! Welcome to the The World Championship Bonding Match of the century, LOL!

 In the right hand corner we have the “Little Princess” (aka The Tilly Dawg) weighing in at 1.2 kg and wearing a fetching pink muscle shirt under her red robe. She likes long strolls in the park and a has a kinky fetish for Ponies!

In the other corner we have “Cuter than Your Kid” (aka Peaty Puff), Weighing in at .9 kg. Don’t be fooled folks, she may be small but she is ALL Muscle! She is wearing a cute little grey number and professes her loyalty to all things small. I see she is psyching herself up for the match, Whatever it takes Peaty, YOU go girl!

So Mama tell us, why are these two worthy opponents are wearing t-shrits of all things, today of all days. “Well Trinket, I had this hope that the girls may be more docile or feel somewhat at a disadvantage to fighting if they were wearing shirts seems either of them have only ever had a little jacket on before.

Well Mama that is a good idea. Are you expecting them to actually bond here today? “No Trinket, this was to be an introduction for them so that they will be aware of what is intended in the near future.

Mama, don’t you think this is an unfair match, I mean that Tilly is much bigger and furrier than Peaty and Peaty hasn’t even been spayed yet. How do you expect things to go today? “Well that is a good point Trinket, Tilly is much bigger, but as you very well know, being small can often be an asset not a disadvantage in the ring, besides Peaty actually has the upper hand still being fully hormonal. She’ll have that well of inspiration if things get too tough for her. At this point I hope to see what each girl is made of and maybe have some idea if they will be willing to become friends. WE are a little worried for Peaty, she may be smaller and faster but she less fur to protect herself from Tilly’s ferocious teeth and well… her teeth will not inflict any damage on Tilly and her massive coat, but then we hope the T shirts will level the odds for both.

Well you heard it Ladies and Gentlebuns, lets not hesitate anylonger. Enjoy the match!!  BTW NO Booing allowed~ be nice!!

 OOh look at that “Cuter than your Kid Peaty” takes the advantage of “Little Princess Tilly’s” first move and manages to get her wedged into the boards. Its a bold move but both opponents seem calm and still hedging each other out.  Oh!!  Oh!… OOh Wow, folks I sure wish we had action replay, I think you may have missed that last move, but now the opponents have separated to opposite sides of the ring. There has been much posturing and and bit of dancing but no fur flying as of yet! AT this point its still any girl’s Match! OOh Mama, I have to say that shirts sure are a great asset to the referees! “Lol, Yes Trinket they sure make a great handle to pull each bun back without having to get out the oven mits!”

Ladies and Gentlebuns! Oh my Goodness “Ding Ding Ding!!” The end of round ONE! I can’t believe we had a camera malfunction at the end of that last round!! Holy Cwap, I’ve never seen anything like it! “Little Princess” has appeared to reach a critical mass when it comes to her temper and her coach has had to call a time out! Owie!!

“Cuter than your kid Peaty” made a wrong move while flinging some Pooh and fell off the table!! Oh MY goodness she is alright but her Coach just got sprayed with pee trying to collect her to get her back into the ring! All the while I see ”Little Princess” being held on her back doing a bit of huffing and puffing while being stroked and calmed down. All seemed well when suddenly “Little Princess” sprang up and sunk her teeth into her coach’s jugular!! Oh my goodness, the paramedics rushed over to ascertain the damage and thankfully it only appears to be a flesh wound! The match will resume!

The referees have decided to bring in a mediator. Puddy has graciously allowed one of her ponies to stand in as a bit of a diversion in hopes to unite each side   Round Two Folks! Well both sides have taken turns to show their gratitude by smooching the Pony, what a lucky boy so far he’s been able to miss any volley of violence between the girls. Uh Oh! spoke too soon. “Little Princess” has taken the pony down pinning him to the ground and is sinking her teeth into his flank, I’m sure its what she wishes she could do to “Cuter than Your Kid” OOh that is gonna sting in the morning.

After several minutes…

Well I have to say its got to be expected, each opponent continues to present their nose in a demand for smooch, and neither side will relinquish dominance. Back and forth and back and forth again, these two girls are both so stubborn, I don’t know how this is going to end.

Oh my goodness, Ladies and Gentlebuns, I am not sure but I think the match has turned. “Cuter than your Kid” has dug deep and become a force to reckon with!  With every move “Little Princess” makes to advance on “Cuter than your Kid” “Little Princess” counters with maneuvers not unlike something out of a Jackie Chan film!!  They both skip and dance, up and down and side to side, Referees are blinded by their blur of action. Hold it, wait for it, these girls have to settle it once and for all!!

OMG I am numb with shock. Never before in all my years have I seen a move like this!! “Cuter than you Kid” has done it, she had delivered the mighty blow to end the match!! And “Little Princess” didn’t even see it coming, she had her eyes closed!  Thank goodness our slow motion camera has caught this play”Crouching Tiger Hidden Bun”. Its the play of the century folks, this will be something your kid’s kid’s will tell their kid for time to come! The day the little bun that could took advantage of all her shortcomings and defeated a mighty warrior!  Jacki Chan could take lessons from her stealth and her agility as she fly over top of “Little Princess” Nails poised and ready to deliver their blow, but its not even over yet!! “Cuter than you Kid” takes the final play of the day to win the match. The dreaded belly bite. Thankfully she can’t deliver a fatal bite due to her malocclusion. “Little Princess will have surely had her life flashing before her eyes today and be utterly grateful to be able to say she survived and to be able to take on “Cuter than your Kid” in a rematch. That is for today folks but lets enjoy the winner’s victory dance! Goes to show it don’t matter how small, she is surely tough and mighty.

Well Mama how are you feeling after all that. “Well Trinket, it could have gone much worse, I am grateful both girls come away from the ring without injury and although I hoped for a short snuggle between the two, I will settle for the fact they didn’t kill each other. I am so proud of both of them. Tilly I thought for sure would have been way more violent, she really restrained herself except for that lash out at her trainer. Peaty I thought would have been submissive and maybe we should have waited until her spay, but I also hope this event today will give her a bit more confidence, now she knows she can take care of herself. We still feel hopeful that in a month’s time we can try again and see if these girls can put aside their differences and become friends. I don’t expect them to fall in love, but I still hope for a bit of LIKE.

an hour after the match…

Ladies and Gentlebuns I just wanted to update you on the status of our “bonders” at this hour. “Cuter than your Kid” was seen laid out in her dressing room, obviously exhausted from the match, but without injury. She was reported to be munching on salad and laying also in her litter box within an hour. Slightly grumpy but I think proud of her accomplishment.

“Little Princess” devastated and embarrassed to have her ass kicked by a munchkin with an oral affliction, retreated to her dressing room where she quickly decided to keep her subordinates in line by humping her pet bunny! Unfortunately he was on her second level which is not so wide and she fell off mid hump, which resulted in an explosion of laughter from the spectators! Poor thing, demoralized and frustrated she retreated to her litter box. Moles behind the scenes report that after several minutes and serious self pep talk, she has recovered from the embarrassment and devoured the rest of her breakfast salad. She states she is looking forward to a rematch in hopes to restore honor to her name.

Well that is for today, I hope you enjoyed Round One and Two of the World Championship Bonding Match!!

Everyone try to be good!! xo T

Hello my Friends,

Here’s a video to show how NOT to promote your own Cookie Line!! LOL

Can you believe it, I’m channeling Mamma again so I can talk to all you from all the way here at the Rainbow Bridge. I just wanted to pop in and share this funny little video with you guys. And of course I had to add my comments.

Now what is all this business about Bunny cookies? LOL, I have to remind yous that I did spend several months refusing to eat anything but my mash that Mamma syringe fed me.  It was during this time Mamma decided to make those first few batches of bunny cookies to see if I would eat them. Naturally Puds and Gracie went nuts for them and to this day, Mamma has little war wounds on her hands from their sharp teeth getting a little too eager.

So Mamma tried her best to encourage me to eat these cookies and I refused, even sometimes trying to fake her out, but to no avail. That Mamma sure was persistent though. So since this video Mamma has undergone a few variations as to her recipe for the cookies and many batches were sent out to a bunch of my buddies from all over the world!! WE have heard even some of the most finicky buns just love them. So far I am on the only bunny who would NOT eat them, LOL. I always had to be difficult. Now Mamma has this video to remember just how much. Enjoy and if yous are into trying out the cookies, Tinkie’s Tasties, just click. I don’t know when or not, but Mamma is thinkin she might try these on her Etsy site soon.

Animal Communication

This is a communication I got for Trinket. I have just copied word for word.

 Trinket Sept. 12, 2009

 ~Trinket says she wants you to know that she loves you with all of every fiber of her being. She says she would not have left you if it were not necessary and hopes you will understand that she had to move forward on her journey..as hard as that was. She says she held on for two weeks longer then she should have and was hoping this extra time would help to console you and prepare you.

 ~She says she was very fearful before she passed and her heart was racing…everything was very overwhelming for her.

 ~She says she can’t imagine how she would live without you if she were still living and you had passed so she understands how you must feel now because she is gone.

 ~She says you are needed here (on earth) to take care of the others. She says their are many other rabbits and animals that require your assistance and love. She says you really should have a sanctuary for ill or hurt bunnies.

 ~She shows a mother bunny  with babies and says they need you. She feels this opportunity has or will come to you soon and she asks that you assist them to the best of your ability. She says no one else feels and knows and understands or cares how the rabbits feel like you do. She says you are like the rabbit guardian on earth! She hopes you see how important it is for you to continue to help as that is your destiny.

 ~She says she came to teach you and to learn from you but mainly to show you how amazing you are and how your determination and love can help another being so greatly. She says she stands in awe of your love.

 ~She says the name “Peter”. She says you must check with him and be aware of him to see how he is doing. He needs your attention.

 ~She says she loved the grass and the smell of the outdoors and she misses this greatly. She also shows something creamy and white or off white that she misses. This looks like food/drink.

 ~She says thank you for holding her so much and kissing and loving her. She says you always comforted her.

 ~She shows a pink lead or something long and pink. She says this you should keep in her honour and all the other things should be given to those who need it.

 ~She says sometimes at night she comes to lay on your chest..to visit you and let you know she is okay. She says she sends her sent to you and hopes you can smell her and will understand that she is there with you.

 ~She shows a young girl that holds sorrow in her heart but keeps it help in. She says you must work with this girl to help her to let go of her emotion…let it out or she will become ill. Trinket seems very worried over this. She says to send her love and tell this girl that she is beautiful and glorious and important.

 ~She shows a grey and white bunny that is around you or coming to  you. She says he (feels male or holds masculine energy) will test your boundaries and will but this is more learning for you. She says his teaching will help you in the future. You need to know this so that it will be easier for you to deal with.

 ~She talks about a barking dog and says rabbits really do not like that sound. It is very irritating. (funny…as I write this my dog is outside and has not stopped barking the whole time I have been talking with her!).

 ~She shows discomfort (burning) in her sinus and in her eyes. She says this was very uncomfortable for her.

~She shows a picture or a remembrance of you holding her to your chest and smiling brightly. She says that is her favorite memory of you. She says your smile is very warming.

 ~She says you mustn’t get lost in the sorrow..there is too much for you still to do. She says she would be disappointed if you gave up now as she worked hard to set the ground work in you/for you for what is to come. She says she has every faith in you that you will move forward in love and honour her memory by helping others. She says it would be nice to call your home “Trinkets Place -- A Home For Wayward (or weary) Souls”. She says you don’t have to but the idea makes her smile and feel important and also forever a part of what you do/will do.

She says, with that she leaves you for now, in love. She says you will meet again but she needs to rest now.

 Thank you,

Sheila

   animal communicator    www.sheilatrecartin.com  

Laura here~ I read this over and over and I there is only one thing that does not make sense now and that is the pink lead. There hasn’t ever been anything like that. I look through her things and the only pink i can think of would be her shirts, but it doesn’t seem like this is it.

After mourning over a month now, I feel releif hearing from her. At first I wanted her to come back to me so badly, but I’ve come to feel differently. I wouldn’t wnat her to come back and risk safety and heath to find me again, I just don’t want more suffering for her. And I’ve come to realize too that when she was well, before she ever got sick, she was a different little spirit, her illness forged a new personality and spirit for her. To have just a buny again I would always feel there is something lacking. Sadly the only way to know such an expression of bunny spirit is through the helping of a sick one. That terrifies me to even just say that, its such a double edged sword. The cost of time and money and heart ache when a bun gets as sick as she was is extraordinary and many things had ot be given up in our lives to care for three in a row like that, I just don’t know if I could do that again.  I know we can’t stay in this house forever, we really need to find someway our of here to something more permanent and stable. I hope that can come soon, but until then I really need to just keep on my mission of waiting and helping the 6 furkids I got now and then we’ll see. It was always my wish to have many rabbits, but with many its hard to really have that closeness too. I was lucky I got that opportunity with T. Its a lot to carry on with after her, but this place in my heart always will be “Trinket’s Place” maybe someday that dream can be real. xo Laura

This is a bit of video clip I found of Trinket when she was about three years old. I can hardly reconize her and I can’t really hold this image of her in my mind. She’ll always be in my mind as she was earlier this spring, even when her disability and her little body deforming, she was the most beautiful. ;-(

This is from my bunspace blog

I wanted to let you guys know that me and Dave are coming along. There are less tears out of nowhere, but they still come when I read the comments and watch the videos or look at old photos. But even through the tears I still can’t bare to not see her, even if only in pictures. I’m only sleeping with the stuffed bunny now, I can get through the day without holding it so I guess that is progress.

The vet visit with the dog went well, she has an upper respiratory infection and needs antibiotics and we got her some estrogen for her incontinence and we’ve started Metacam for mild arthritis. Too bad there wasn’t a cure for the drooling and farting. Well with that huge releif we also got a tremendous surprise. There is a Bunspace Angel, a person with a heart so rich with love and kindness, who has paid for Trinket’s special Cremation!! This was such a beautiful and thoughtful gesture in doing this, and it kept our bill from going over the top of that freakout number that I have in my head, LOL. Thank YOU, Thank YOU so much, you have truly touched us. The girl who informed me is just so blown away with shock that people we have never met personally would do such a thing and anonomously at that!! She can hardly beleive that such a place as bunspace exists with such amazing and with caring people.

I also found a surprise in my email today as well, notification that another Bunspace Angel has gifted our family with a whole years VIB!!! OMG, Trinket will not fade away into the archives of bunspace!! Thank you so much for helping me to continue to share her with you!! I feel like she has been helped to be raised by this entire community of people and buns that all love her. If only our families and our closest “real world” friends could be so thoughtful and sensative to eachother!

Wembly and his Dad have made another song for my sweet Girl and I have been working on my own Tribute to Trinket all afternoon. The computer went nuts today and I thought I fried my hard drive when for awhile none of the programs would work or open properly, but this evening I finally have things working and have managed to upload to YOUtube. I hope you will be comforted too by what  I think are some of her greatest insites to life. My wonderful girl showed us all so much and somehow I was able to tap into what I think she’d want me to share with you. So its more like her Tribute to Life than my trubute to her.  Thank you so much for another beautiful song Mike and Wembly, I know I will be spending a lot of time watching it over and over again. Your beautiful music and soothing voice has helped bring me closer to  peace and acceptance. What an amazing gift of healing and love for Trinket, XO Laura

And if you haven’t cried enough, I also want to post a beautiful Tribute Video that Suzy Q and Mom did for Trinket as well. I cried and cried when I watched this the first time, but it was a good cry, theuraputic and cleansing so it was such a good thing. Thank you sweet hearts for such a lovely and sweet Tribute to “OUR” sweet Trinket.

So I won’t be around at all tomorrow. I just found out Trinket’s Aunti Sherri Ellen has lost her father just yesterday and the funeral is tomorrow, 3 1/2 hours away. She is unable to get there so Dave and I are taking her down so she can say her good byes and to try and be a support to her. I’m still a bit numb and scattered myself, but helping someone else will help me snap out of it!! Trinket would want me to be strong for her. Loosing a father is one of the hardest things in life, I remember, its still not been that long for me. So she joins me in orphanhood, a wounded child left to carry on alone in the world, no matter how old we get, its a challenging realization to be the last of your family line.

So don’t worry for me, I sucking it up and finding my way along a healing path. Surprisingly making this video of Trinket has really helped me a lot. Taking the time to contemplate her wisdom and strength has given me some freedom of the pain in the pit of my stomach, I think I can finally breath again tonight. I have been spending as much time outside in the dark under the stars as I can. I still cannot find her in the sky above me yet, but I know she is near. xo Laura

I surrendered this life for the next at 12:59 pm EST today at the vet office with the help of Dr Melissa, with Mamma and Daddy holding me. I’m sorry I am no longer in this world enough to speak through Mamma so she will have tell you my last thoughts and how my last adventure unfolded. Good bye my earth friends and hello my Rainbow Bridge friends, I am now ready to be among you. Much love forever and ever and as long as there is light there shall be love, xox T

Mamma here~ This is the hardest entry I’ve ever had to write, I imagined briefly before when things go really scary, but this not how I thought it would be.  Somehow I am calm, yet not truly rooted in my body. I know she is gone but I look around and she is still in every inch of space and as she has been in every second of thought I have had for months and months, she is still there, but I cannot hold her.

This morning I woke up late (although I did get up earlier to give her meds, I pre fill the syringes and bring them to bed so I can still give them to her even with my eyes half closed, then I roll over and try to top up my sleep), I’ve been so tired, just exhausted and I feel like no matter how much sleep I cannot become replenished. Trinket was calm just sitting beside me in the bed. She had not eaten any of the green I brought with her to bed and when I leaned over to kiss her good morning she did not kiss me back. She appeared very weak, and she has been growing weaker daily for some time. I brought her downstairs to her couch and when I changed her diaper there was not poop and very little pee. Well I knew there would be a day when digestion would come into play so I did not panic even though I knew it wasn’t good. I first called Dave as he was on his way home but not expected until later. I let him know about her and that I would need to take her in to get some Metoclopramide to help get things going. I then called the vet but they wanted to get back to me if she would need to be seen or just fill a prescription for me.

We began our normal morning routine, I got all her kit ready for her morning feeding and organizing her meds. I got her mash ready and had her herbal cocktail all ready and began to syringe her a bit of it along with some water. Suddenly Trinket began another Cardiac Episode and was struggling for breath and she clawed the air in front of her. She cried out again just like the when she screamed at the vet’s when she had the pneumonia, but she was so weak… I held her to my chest holding her tight thinking it must be her time and I comforted her as much as I could, telling her I was here with her and she’d be OK she could let go. Her breathing became labored and every once in a while I could crackling in her breath and she began to make gulping gestures as she fought for breath.  I called the vet back to let them know she was in crisis and I was bringing her in now. I called Dave to let him know I was rushing her in and if he couldn’t make it on time I might have to help her pass. He was still quite a bit away, but it would be close.

After about 10 minutes in the truck she had another episode, she was scared and I fought with myself should I just pull over and hold her until she pass or keep driving. I put my foot into it and I held her chest in my other hand and poured as much Reiki into her heart as I could hoping she’d hold on just a little longer, I tried to fill her with peace and steadiness. It was hard at time I just wanted to scream, but I wouldn’t let my mind hold the horrible images of her last moments until later and I kept driving. I tried to watch to see if she was going pale if she was getting enough oxygen, but I could feel the pounding of her heart in my hand and I knew she was still with me holding on with all she was. I’d look and sure I would be headed for the other sided of the road, thankfully its on the back roads and I prayed for not cops and no wildlife wandering in the road. Every mile agonizing for both me and her, she’d become calm for a while and then struggle to breathe again, but then rest again. I could feel her pounding heard irregular and vibrating through my hand, shooting pain up into my arm. Finally we made it into Owen Sound and sure enough Traffic is gridlock. It seems every other street was impassable due to construction, there would only be one route, though the thick of traffic. So there I was holding her heart in my hand and making our way to the vet.

When we arrived there was a pickup truck in the parking lot with several people all surrounding this big beautiful dog, clearly in major crisis, they were there to euthanize it right there in the truck. All the people were crying and hugging this poor dog. My two usual vets were not on, it was Dr Melissa, whom has not been my favorite as we had not developed a rapport and I found her to be a tad text book, being a young vet I found she lacked a certain gracefulness when I had to euthanize Koda the dog last fall. But any time I was in with Trinket, Dr Dave would call her in to take notice of certain conditions occurring; I suppose teaching her along the way. I felt her to be competent but I felt lost without Dave or Deb as they had years of personal experience with her. By this time Trinket was calm again so I had her wrapped in her purple blanket and I held her close on my chest whispering to her while we waiting for Dr Melissa to help the poor dog along. Five or ten minutes tops we were shown into a room and a few minutes later Dave walked in the door. I don’t know how he did it but he made it, thank you God!! WE each took turns holding her and then Dr Melissa came in to examine her and hear the morning events. She first listened to her lungs and the rattling was so bad she couldn’t make out the heart sounds to even know if things in that area were alright or not. She had pneumonia and it was getting drastically worse as the minutes went by. Dr Melissa presented some options for treatment, but every second longer that I tried to fight for her was imprisoning her in a body that was nothing but pain and anguish, it was time. I looked at Dave and said are you ready and he nodded with eyes filled with tears. I told Dr Melissa how every time we euthanized a bunny it was so traumatic for us and for them and that was why I was fighting so hard for a natural death of my sweet girl, but I knew we could no longer continue. I asked her if we could over sedate her so that she would be far under that they could proceed with the euthanasia drugs without her being conscious, she said we could but too much sedation would make the veins contract and they wouldn’t be able to push in the final drugs. So then I asked her if we could just give her a massive overdose of narcotic to make her go to sleep and stop her heart as she was already so weak. Dr Melissa said that was an option. She left us with her a short time so Dave and I could hold her and say good bye, each second she struggled to breath more and more, so weak yet battling so hard to cling to life.

When she came back she had a syringe of Ketamine and Diazapam , way more than would be normal for her and then she injected the euthanasia drug directly into the stomach cavity instead of into a vein. She gave her three times what would be a normal dose. This was a method she found on line, the stomach would absorb the drugs and do their work quickly, but more could be given if needed. This method would most peaceful she would just go to sleep like the times we did her teeth. Dave and both took turns holding her and she slowed down, not suffering finally but going to sleep while Dave was holding her she took her final breath.  She was  wondrous life extinguished from the physical realm, but now free and immersed in all things. I told her as I held her of how it was OK to let go, how the pain would be gone and she’d wake up so energized and that she’d see all her house mates, especially B and Minnie and how they were waiting for her along with her closest Rainbow buddies. I told her she’d be received in love and not to nip either Minnie or B but to smooch them for me. Lastly I told her I’d be with her always as she had a piece of me with her and I had a piece of her with me. I asked her to someday come back to me and I know she will as she was a Buddhist it was her belief to return and even greater light. I don’t know now how I will know, but I have faith she will return to me.

I had wanted her to go in her Recycle shirt, but it was in the wash and not yet dry when I had to rush her to the vet and Dave didn’t want to part with her Cuter than your kid shirt so she was sent naked into the next life, but with Dougie at her side and wrapped in her Purple Blanket from Aunti Paula. Purple was her favorite color, the color of royalty and The Purple Heart is  given to the wounded in war who have fought bravely, My best guess is that it symbolizes the power of the wounded person to survive and that she did with such grace and love.

Thank you my sweet girl for showing me the reverence of life, the glory of love and connection to all things. I still can’t believe you are gone, how will I go on now in a world without you? I see you in all things that surround me. I have walked with you in life to the edge of the meadow and now I leave in the arms of the angels.

 I want to share this video with you. Many of you will probably already know it, but I’ve thought of her and I whenever I listen to it and its been some time since I’ve been able. Although my favorite is the origanlly done by Death Cab for Cutie, this particular artist does a beautiful cover

After the vet Dave and I went down to the park to stroll around and talk about how we were feeling and to share our favorite memories. Then we went into the restaurant we always ate at with Trinket and sat in our favorite corner. Dave pulled out the chair beside him as he always would for her and he left his parsley there in honor of her. We then had to go to the grocery store. We wandered around the isles and some how even though I had a list I was still lost and forgetting everything I needed and we’d have to double back. But life has to go on, Trinket would want it that way. And I will even though I’m numb and empty inside. The drive home was the hardest for me, the seat next to me empty, that place where she should be. But coming home was the worst and each of took a few moments to look around and cry, letting the saddness seep in a little further. I quicky rounded up all her meds off the coffee table and her uneaten breakfast. then I packed away her toys and blankets on her spot on the couch which I shared with her. The silence is deafening, I hope some how I will remember the sound of her little voice the feel of her sweet kisses on my lips and her wet nose on mine, but mostly I hope I can remember the feeling of her heart beating next to mine, both us meeting halfway in a consciouness sacred and brilliant.

Dave just told me when we were doing our errands and walking around he had a feeling or sense of a little black bunny hopping along behind us, following us for a while until she finally faded away. If my heart could break anymore it would, but I think that would be just like T, “hey were are you going I’m still here!!!” But I know she will be emersed in the light as I let her go over and over again with every breath left in me, I guess we are still struggling. I have lit some candles for her and I keep in my thoughts in that light, complete, happy and free from all the confines of her little body.

Thank you so much for being witness to my miracle girl, for sharing our heart break and our joys. Its been through all of you we have both discovered the sacredness of our bond and I am eteranlly grateful. I know there will be many tears with mine tonight and I thank you for helping me carry this pain. Trinket has been so proud to be seen and understood and to be known for the true spirit that dwelled within a little fur suit. Even right to her final moment she was teaching us,s showing us a different way if only we ask. I am so grateful I had to strength to be her voice and help her live her story.

Namaste, xo Laura

Sweeties, This wonderful story was written for me by Kibbles, Bambi and Zenith’s Mom. I was gonna wait until after I went to the bridge to share this, but its just so wonderful and I’m hanging on so tight that I couldn’t wait anylonger so here it is. Carole truly captured the essence of my journey and me and Mamma are gonna tresure this story for years and years!!!!   (L)

The Brightest Star

                Once upon a time there was a young star that shined in the universe. She was a star that outshined all the other stars so much that they were jealous.  She was very curious about the universe and was always up for a new adventure. Then one day while exploring the planets she came upon one called Earth.  Oh it was a beautiful planet and was bright with colors.  The sun favored this planet like none of the others in the universe so she knew it was special.  It had so much life on it while the others did not.  She was fascinated by this planet and was determined to learn more.

     Since the other stars were jealous, they encouraged her to go to earth.  She was very confused by this.  “A star cannot go to a planet without dying”, she said. “Oh yes, there is a way”, said one of the stars.  “You can transform into a creature from that planet”, said an older star.  “Not many have survived very long when they have transformed, but it can be done”.  “How long do they survive” asked the bright star?  “It just depends, some last for just a short time, a few years in earth time.  But others have come back from their journey and are still here”, one responded.  Oh how she wanted to visit the beautiful planet.  So she set out to find a star that had transformed and lived to tell about it.  There weren’t many but she finally found an old star whose light was beginning to fade. This star was millions of year’s old and visited earth when it was new. She asked the old star many questions about his adventure and how he survived. Although there were risks, the old star told her it was all worth it. He met so many new creatures that he could only see from afar and the feelings he felt was something he would have never known if he did not take the adventure. He told her it was all worth the risk.  So she decided right then she would try it.  The old star then told her how she would have to take her journey in order to survive.

     One evening when all the stars were shining on the northern hemisphere she decided it was time. She said goodbye to her friends and took the plunge.  As she reached the atmosphere she burned so bright that the creatures on earth watched in awe of her beauty.  She landed in a place called Canada. It was a beautiful place and she felt as though she was home.  She only had a few days to decide what she would transform into, so there wasn’t much time to enjoy her surroundings.  She had watched these creatures called humans but they seemed complicated and she wasn’t sure she wanted to be one. She did want to learn more about them though. She saw the creatures that were referred to as dogs.  These were interesting creatures however they were dirty and drooled a lot.  How gross she thought to herself.  “I must find a noble, intelligent creature that is cleaner than that”, she said out loud.  She decided to wait and see if one of these creatures would be nice enough to help her since she was new to this world. She wanted the creature to also be loving and friendly and the only way to see into the soul of a creature was to wait.  She watched a magnificent creature called a deer.  It was graceful and beautiful, however it did not stop to say hello.  She saw and eagle fly over her and when she called out to say hello it just flew off. About that time a wild rabbit hopped up to her. “Hello, my name is Cotton. What’s yours?” “I don’t know.  I don’t have a name I guess” responded the little star.  “What are you” asked the rabbit? “I am a star that shines in the sky” said the star. “Oh you mean like, twinkle, twinkle little star?” asked the rabbit. “I guess”, said the star. “Then that is what we will call you, Twinkle”, said the rabbit. Twinkle loved the name that her new friend had given her.  “What are you?” asked Twinkle.  “I’m a rabbit” said Cotton.  Over the next few days Twinkle and Cotton talked about their lives and learned so much from one another. Twinkle learned that rabbits were loving, smart, strong, and friendly just like her. Cotton asked Twinkle why she didn’t turn into a rabbit so they could play together.  Twinkle explained to him that she had to turn into a baby in order to grow here on Earth. So Cotton had an idea.  There was a farm just over the hill and the humans there had rabbits.  They didn’t look the same as he, but they were still rabbits.  Cotton thought that one of the does just had babies so maybe she could sneak in with those babies.  Twinkle thought that it was a great idea.  Cotton explained to her though that he would not be able to stay with her because he was a wild rabbit and the two weren’t the same.  He told her not to be sad though, because rabbits are smart and very strong and hopefully she would be happy there. So Cotton took Twinkle to the farm and said goodbye to his friend. She transformed into a beautiful black baby.  She had many brothers and sisters and the mother adopted her as one of her own. Her new life had begun.

     Over the next several weeks Twinkle was happy being a baby bunny.  She met new creatures and played with her brothers and sisters. Then one day she overheard two adult rabbits talking about the babies leaving. They said the babies would be taken away and her mother would never see her again.  This horrified Twinkle.  She ran to her mother and asked if the rumors were true. “Unfortunately they are Twinkle.  It is my understanding they will take you to a place called a pet store and hopefully a loving family will pick you to live with them”, her mother said comforting. Twinkle began to cry because she loved her new life on earth.  Her mother told her the strength that she possessed was that like no other and assured her she would be fine.

The day came when the humans picked up all the babies and put them in a box.  All said goodbye to their mom and huddled together out of fear of the unknown.  They travelled for what seemed like forever then they came to a stop.  The human removed Twinkle and a few of her brothers and sisters and put them in a large glass box.  This was a strange place and they were all very scared.  Twinkle remembered what her mother had told her so she straightened up, perked her ears up and hopped around to explore her new surroundings.  A few days after she and her siblings arrived she noticed two humans staring at her.  At first they were just like all the others but then she felt something different deep inside. It was as if they were speaking to her in her head.  So she introduced herself. “Hi, my name is Twinkle” she said.  The female reached down and picked her up.  Twinkle felt so secure and loved from this human.  The female decided to take her home. She gave her a warm, dry, loving place to rest with lots of toys and treats.  The female then introduced herself, “Hi, I’m mommy and you are Trinket, right” the mommy asked? “No, you are saying it wrong, I’m Twinkle”, replied Twinkle. But the mommy kept calling her Trinket so she finally gave in and accepted the name.

     Over the years Trinket fell in love with her mommy and the male human she called daddy. She went on so many adventures and met so many new creatures.  She learned she loved her parents more than anything and would kiss them all the time to show them.  This seemed to make them happy and in turn she was happy.  She didn’t think about her life as a star anymore. She was happy and content where she was. Over the years she became very close with her parents and she could actually communicate with her mom through her feelings.  If her mom was happy Trinket was happy, if her mom was sad, Trinket was sad.  They had a bond that most creatures never experience, especially a little star and a human.

      Then one day Trinket got sick.  She didn’t know what was wrong with her body but she just didn’t feel well.  Her mom was worried and took her to the doctor.  They gave her medicine but she still didn’t feel well.  She would try and play but it just seemed as though her body was giving out.  Then she remembered what the other stars had told her about the earthly body only lasting a little while. She began to think her light was going out.  She wasn’t ready to leave though and she began to shine again.

     During this time her mom felt Trinket’s struggle, not only her physical struggle but her spiritual struggle. She didn’t understand completely why she was feeling these things but it would become clear someday. She made arrangements for Trinket to talk to those humans that could speak and understand her. Trinket told them of her worries and concerns.  Trinket told them that she did not want to leave her parents and return to the universe but she would have to someday and wanted her mom to be okay with it before she leaves.  Trinket also told her mom how much she loved her and she would actually never leave but that one day soon she would have to transform back into a star in order to continue to live. Her life here was only a brief moment but someday she and her mom could reunite in the heavens.  She told her mom she would visit her often both with her light and in her mom’s dreams. Her mom wouldn’t hear of it and wanted her to fight and stay with her for now. Trinket, loving her mom so much, agreed she would stay for as long as she could. 

     As time passed and there were ups and downs with Trinket’s health.  One day Trinket would feel good but the next she didn’t have the strength to lift her head.  Her struggles were not her own though, and when others learned of her trials and the strength she had to overcome them, people and rabbits from all over the world struggled with her. They learned about her fight and what a bright star she was.  She drew strength from these people and her parents, and fought as hard as she could.  But no matter how strong she was at the moment she knew it was only temporary.  Creatures on earth do not live long compared to stars and she wondered just how much time her earthly body had left. 

     One day during one of her weakest moments her mom came to her.  She told Trinket how much she loved her and that she knew she was a star.  Trinket was shocked that a human knew she was a star but she knew that her mom was special. Her mom told her that if she needed to leave then it was okay with her.  She would miss Trinket with all her heart but she knew that someday she was going to leave in order to shine again. Her mom told her that the love that they shared with each other would out shine even the sun and no earthly body could extinguish it. With her mom’s talk Trinket kissed her mom to thank her for the years of love and knowledge she had shown and now for her permission to leave. Trinket was not quite ready to leave her family but she knew that when the time came she could leave without remorse.

     As she fell weaker she decided the time had come. If she did not leave soon and return to being a star she may not have the strength to do so. Her daddy was at work and Trinket didn’t want to leave without saying goodbye and she didn’t want to leave her mom alone. So she fought with all her strength to stay until he returned. Her dad told her it was okay to leave but she couldn’t, not until he was home.  Then as her parents fell asleep one night, Trinket kissed them both good night and unknown to them, goodbye.

       Her mom was heartbroken and thought she would never recover from losing such a precious gift, until, one night when she walked outside.  Through her tears and pain she looked up and saw a light, a light that was shining as bright as a spotlight in the night sky. She smiled.  A new star had appeared in the heavens and was shining down on her. It was the brightest star in the sky…once again.

written by Carole VanDeusen Aug. 2009

I love you too Carol, Kibbles, Bambi and Zenith!!    (L)

Hi Sweeties,

I wanted to let yous all know yesterday went better than could be expected. For the last week or so my breath has been almost putrid and I know even though Mamma was horrified by my breath she kept on smooching when I wanted any how. But a day of not having my mash and my breath is sweet again and I continued to nibble on my own all day pretty much. I would rest a while then wake up and nibble a bit and lay on Mamma’s belly and do a lot of smoochin which had pretty much stopped the day before.  AND I had a whole day with NO GAS!!! It was good to not have that pain, that makes me very happy.

So last night Mamma had me all wrapped up on the couch and she brought me anohter bouquet of greens from the garden, but this time she brought me lavender too and crushed it all up into my salad, I didn’t eat any of that, but I found the aroma to be most soothing and relaxing and I think Mamma thought so too. Mamma charged up all my crystals Maximus gave me earlier this year and she nestled them in beside me and she lit some blue candles in the pretty blue dish Maxie sent as well. She said a little prayer and we relaxed like that for the evening.

So I had a peacful night sleepin up in the bed with Mamma and I woke up here again this morning. I watched Mamma sleep for ages and she slept half an hour past the time my first meds were due, but I didn’t want to wake her, it was so nice to just see her relaxed and at peace not worried and hurting. Finally she woke up and got up with me to start our day.

So I am a little slower to start nibbling today, I had a nice snuggle on Mamma’s belly for a while to warm up, its kinda cold here today so I am well bundled up in my favorite blankies. I think winter might be on its way already, who the frig decided to live in Canada I don’t know!!  And where the heck is global warming!?

Amazing enough too, I am still making lots of poops!! Mamma says they are starting to look way better than they have in a little while, I’ve been making way to much of the mushy stuff This morning my diaper was not an icky mess, but had proper poops. I know Mamma is itchin to load up that syringe with that icky mash again, but for now I hope she just lets me munch the little bits I want as I like. You know, on my own terms!!

OK the reason for this blog actually was I wanted to share with yous this beautiful song that a bunderful bunny, Gable and her Mommy sent me the lyrics for. Her Mommy says this song makes her cry in a good way ,but when she heard it just yesterday she thought how perfect it is for Me and Mamma. She wrote out the lyrics for us and Mamma found this song on youtube so she wantst to share it with all of you. When me and Mamma listened to it we couldn’t help but think of our special friends that have inspired us both as well. Strong bunnies that surpassed all expectations as well, like Noodles, Cinnamon Roll, Mohare  and Quincy. There are many others as well that have touched our hearts in a way never to be undone, but these  friends stand out in their struggle and their longevity and of course the dedication and love of thier parents. I think the most profound thing me and Mamma both have learned here at bunspace is that when we open our hearts and share in a way that is real, honest and unconditional from a place of love and respect, we can be transformed, uplifted to a place of true wonder. The love I have or my Mamma has become even greater by having shared the journey and that is the gift all of you have given me. thank you for being witness to it, even when to do so hurts. OK I’m gonna shut my yap and let you enjoy the song, it is now one of our favorites, Thank you Gable for having shared this with me, you inspired me with gift! xox T

I love you all my sweeties

Hello my Sweeties

I am still here. Everyday Mamam has to wonder if it will be the day I leave her. I’ve been fairly comfortable for the most part, except Daddy wonders if I had another little cardiac even on Friday night. It seems too I’ve develped quite the issue with gas. I can’t stand the syringe feeding anylonger, I’ve been trying to tell Mamma to stop I don’t want it, but she just switched to a smaller syinge thinking that it would stress me less. Well that’s fine but I seem to be getting way more gas too Mamma puts the Ovol stuff in my mash and last night I had to have another dose before bed too. I was layin on Mamma’s belly and I was farting out these long and horrendous butt flappers. I think Mamma wanted to laugh, but she knew how much the gas was hurting me so she didn’t. When Daddy does that she yells at him, but not me. I am glad she didn’t,  its very embarassing, I never did that before. Well enough of the talk.

I can’t move around on my own anymore, I am pretty much a limp little bun, but I can still reach my paws up to sort of wash them and to push on Mamma when I want my smooches. Mamma was very sad this morning, I had such a long night getting rid of the gas and then this morning she sees I am definatly beginning to tilt again. She had a sneaky suspicion a few days ago and cleaned out my ears again, cause the last few tilts that came on were cleared with the ear cleaning seems I get so much wax down in there. Well this time there was not a lot wax and things seemed Ok for a few days, but today its progressing. So she cleaned them again as best she could and started me on the Panacur as well. “sigh” not more medicine

I know Mamma is thinking I am the bun that will not die, it still seems I am hanging on. I’ve said goodbye to Dr Deb, and of course Mamma and Daddy have “released” me, with Mamma doing this several times over. Last night she held me while doing the Reiki thing and she made these beautiful visualizations for both of us, it was her taking me to a beautiful meadow surrounded in soft glowing mist, and in the distance were all her furbabies that have already left her. She imagined setting me down on the edge of this meadow and then envisioning an angel appearing to take me up in their arms to carry me the rest of the way. She whispered good bye in her mind and in her heart, hoping I’d have the peace to let go knowing she was truly ready to go on without me. But this morning I am still here and now with more complications.

I was right out of my Lasix and very low on my heart med and my Ovol so we had to go to town. Mamma called Dr Deb’s office as she was gonna ask them again if she could help me let go, but she is away from the office today for this big dog show they have here every year. Last year Mamma took me down to the dog show to get my acupunture, what a long time ago that was. So it seems fate has shown the way again and that is not to be my way to leave, I am to go on my own terms. So Mamma held me the longest time and asked what to do. The only thought she could get and its one she has fought with before, “stop syringe feeding me”. Yes Mamma has been keeping everything going by syringe feeding me for so long, but every time lately she does, I feel worse and I’ve been fighting her to stop. A while back she said she’d honor that request from me, but she keeps pleading with me to carry on with the feedings so I relinquish my fight and carry on. Every day I’ve been nibbling little bits in the morning before my feeding and then after I feel too aweful to eat again on my own, so today Mamma has put away the syringe other than to syringe me water and my meds. I have begun to nibble little bits through the day, its not even close to being enough to keep me going and me and Mamma know things will shut down soon, but its time.

So we had one more episode of the Twilight Zone again. Before we left Mamma checked the mail and a parcel had to be picked up at the post office, hmm, Mamma didn’t expect anything else for me and this was addressed to her! Hehe go figure Mamma had mail!! So we stopped there first. Well out of the blue, it was a gift from my first Aunti, Sherri Ellen. This was Mamma’s closest friend, and she used to come hang out with me and Mamma at her store before Mamma closed it. She was the best Aunti, she’d hold carrots and crackers for me for ages, no matter how stiff and sore she was. She doted on me something sweet and I know she loved me. Well her and Mamma had this huge stupid fight about stuff that isn’t really important and both had their feelings hurt and the friendship was terminated over a year ago. No one asked me about it or asked my advice on this situation, and I would have told them both off too. I missed my Aunti but when Mamma lost that friendship that was when she decided to join bunspace so if that had never happened, I don’t know if I’d ever would have made it here. Well this is the lovely gift Mamma got from her friend, seems she has been following me here at bunspace and keeping up with everything that has happened over the last year.  Its perfect isn’t it. The little bun is standing up just like I used to. Mamma thinks this gift is such amazing timing as its kind of like her visualization she showed me last night. I am getting ready to be embaraced by the angels. It was bought a year ago, but its just too perfect for right now, funny how life works out like that.

Now if that wasn’t weird enough in a good way, the second Mamma opened the door at the vet’s office, there was my Aunti sitting there with her kitty Nyla Blue!!! Its been a little over a year since they seen each other and Aunti says to Mamma she knew she’d see her today. So they got to chat a bit and they both admitted they missed eachother and the parting of ways was what it was. So Aunti got to see me one last time and she got to pet me a wee bit while I was in my carrier, Mamma wanted to bring me out to see her proper, but I’m just too weak but I got to see my Aunti again and even though she said “see you later”, I got to say good bye to her too.

I almost forgot, my eye is doing so much better, I am still getting medicated drops every 4 hours and Samantha’s Mommy suggested I also use my True Tears too, every hour inbetween. So my ulcerated eye began to feel better in a few days, but then my other eye got real goopy and sore and so Mamma started putting the medicated drops in that eye too and its doing much better now, so I don’t know if its was ulcerated too or not, it sure was sore just like the other one was at first, but I feel loads better. My cataracts are progressing quite a bit in both eyes, but with all the drops they feel OK.

So that’s it to report for today. Daddy had to leave again, this time going out to Winnipeg. I don’t know when he’ll be home, Mamma says she’ll tell me as soon as she knows. Its time for a good sleep so I’m gonna end here. I love you guys so much, thank you for taking such good care of Mamma and showing me so much love. I hope this head tilt thing doesn’t progress, I don’t think Mamma could handle another go at that with my current condition. Hopefully she’ll hold me enough it won’t be so bad. xox T

Oh Sweetie, I’m still hanging in there and the days seem to be gettin a bit easier now!

I’m sorry its been a few days, its been kinda busy here and when its not, everybun is laid flat out!! We went to a movie on Wednedsay night at the Drive In Theater. I was a having a bit of a tough time at first, I’ve been getting gas now when I eat. Mamma has figured out things go best if I get my gas meds halfway in the middle of my feeding, but the night of the movie I had it before my meal and I got very gurgily and I was fartin a lot too Anway we got to see IceAge!! OMG, it was scary and funny all the same time! Mamma had me propped on a pillow on her lap with my bum higher than my head and she was gently patting my back and the gas was coming out, um I was pointing toward the screen so I could see the movie so that means my farts were coming out toward her!! LOL, OOps sorry Mum, better out than in though. She and Daddy pre doled out all my meds I would need for the night and Daddy set his alarm on his phone so none of my meds were late at all, it actually went pretty good. I got to snuggel and cuddle all night, not too much smoochin though seems I was a bit cranky for the first movie, but I was feeling better by the second on, it was Transformers, boy that was an assault to my senses so I slept throught that one, but Mamma and Daddy said it was pretty good, but IceAge was Great! hehe the crazy squirel guy finds love, sort of!!

So my breathing and my heart rate seems to be stable now, I only get rapid breathing when I get pain and the last few days its been gas pain that have gotten to me but Mamma is givin Ovol (simethcone) with all my meals and its helped loads now that she figured out it has to be in the middle of the feeding. My goodness I am getting so many meds, its really crazy. Get this

8am- Metacam, Lasix, medicated eye drop for my ulcer

10am- Heart med

11:30am- My feeding with the Simethicone plus.. (glucosamine, joint formula, B vitamin, Grapeseed extract, Sleen support herb, ezymes for digestion, Potasium suppliment and heart herb and kidney herb)

Noon- Tramadol, medicated eye drop

4pm-Lasix, Medicated eye drop

8pm- Metacam, Medicated eyedrop

9pm- My feeding with the Simethicone  and…(glucosamine, joint formula, B vitamin, Grapeseed extract, Sleen support herb, ezymes for digestion)

10pm- Heart med

Midnight- Lsix, Tramadol and medicated eye drop

then every hour I’m not getting the medicated eye drop I got to have regular True Tears to keep the eye moist, then Mamma has also tried me back on the Mirtazapine to see if it will help my appetite now seems I’m not getting any of my happy herb stuff yet. Today we tried it and I’m nibbling right now as Mamma is typin for me, so I don’t know maybe it is working cause i have not nibble no salad for a few days anyway. Anyway its a lot to keep track of and Mamma has her list to go by thank good ness, but I’m tellin you I sure miss the days of just salad!!

So we all found out this week that Mamma really needs her beauty sleep. Gracie found out the hard way that Mamma isn’t alway so sweet and nice ( Daddy has beens saying she is a meany pants for years LOL) Anyway way yesterday morning Daddy was up first and let out G and Puds, well G was made cause my left over salad was with me and Mamma still up in bed and she wanted it and Daddy wasn’t gettin off his arse to get the fresh stuff so he tells her to go up and get Mamma outta bed. Well… um I don’t know if that was such a good idea, Mamma was pretty tired and a bit cranky already. First we, both me and Mamma were woken up to what sounded like a RAT under the bed chewing on the underside of the bed, Mamma let that go on for a little while until her brain finally switched on and she realized it was a bunny and she wasn’t dreaming, so then she gets ottta bed and grabs a dirty shirt to snap at Gracie under the bed, Mamma yelled for her to GIT and oh boy Gracie Got all right and took off running, Mamma came back to bed and passed out again. A little while later we wakes up again but this time it was the big RAT under the bed was pluckin carpet!! uh OH, not a good idea Gracie!! That’s it, Mamma flew outta bed yellin and Gracie took off again, this time Mamma saw it was time for my heart med so she stayed up and brought me downstairs for my nappy change and my meds. Daddy all the while was sittin on the couch looking at porn (LOL Camera equipement sites, he’s addicted you see!!) So Mamma puts down my dish of left over greens for the Hell Buns while G and Puds are Merrily munchin and then Mamma gets right ugly out of nowhere and Tells Gracie she is a Rat with long Ears and then threw the left over salad bag at her (to Mamma’s defence she didn’t throw it hard and it only a bit of salad it in) but then Daddy jumps to Gracie’s defence and says how mean Mamma is and that Gracie was only being a bunny. Well there were a few choice words and some accusations back and forth and it came out that Daddy sent her up there, OH boy, that didn’t go over so well! So moral of the story, “Let Sleepin Mummys lay”  hehe, it was all in crabby fun, and nobuns were harmed in the story. hehe  BTW Mamma had sucked up to Gracie and apologized for her meaness and was giving her smooches by the end of the day.

We decided to spend a leisurely day out on the deck for the afternoon. G and Puds spent the whole afternoon sitting in their sandbox with their butts to us. Me and Daddy snuggled on a blanket on the deck and Mamma had to run and do an errand in town, but then came back and was blowing bubbles off the back of the deck for a few hours while Daddy was taking pics. Daddy was first blowing bubbles at G and Puds but they just ignored him while baskin in their sand, they were no fun at all It was a nice way to spend a few hours that is for sure.

Mamma, when she came back from town, she had a parcel for me!! Oh my goodness, what is it Mamma? We all couldn’t believe it when she opened the package!! OMG, BunBun, Scooter, Comet, Lucky and thier Mommy had commissioned Tricia Aviss, the artist to make a figurine of me!! Oh its so cute and it looks just like me too! hehe, and Tricia who also is Abby, Huckleberry and Snoopy’s Mom, sent a  portrait of me that she had done too!! I am so speacheless (well as speachless as I can be, I know i got a big yap and it works overtime!) This is a picture of “Me Myself and I” that Daddy took for me, I can’t wait for Mamma to get the portrait of me framed up nice, gee I wonder where she will hang it? Thank you so much you guys, Mamma says she is very touched by this gesture and she loves them so much and says she knows how grateful she will to have these images of me once I finally leave her.

OK, kiddies that is pretty much everything that has been going on here. I am hanging in there, still sleepin a lot and for a couple days I couldn’t use my cart or my skateboard It seems I am too weak and wobblily to use my skateboard now, but I did get in my cart for a little bit last night and wheeled out to see Gracie again to make sure she remembers who is still boss around here! When I am too weak to use my cart, Daddy puts me in my stroller and takes to sit beside Gracie’s hutch, I’m not so sure Gracie likes this arrangement, but its important for me to keep my eye on her for a little bit anyway.

Oh it and an interesting developement. Daddy did the strangest thing yesterday. He had scooped up Gracie to bring her in from the deck and he held her up to me inside my stroller, real close and Gracie rooted on me, on the back of my neck, but she was nice! There was no aggression or nothing, no nipping or growling, just the nose bonks. Why did she do this? I don’t know if I like that idea, I’m afraid she nolonger sees me as the threat and will be content to just let me be, this is bitter sweet in my mind. I am happy for peace between us, but I worry this means she senses that I will soon depart, its the last thing I need her beleiving I’m on my way out!! Weirdly, Puds did the same thing….

OK that’s it for today my sweeties, I love you all so much

Well my sweet friends, I have mixed news…

First I AM getting stronger since I started the heart medicine (benazepril). Last night Daddy put me in my cart and I went sprinting off into the hall up to the kitchen then turned back (had a break at the end) then went back into the living room and then headed to the dining room, hung out for a few minutes, then I headed off into the kitchen (I have never gone in here before on my own) Mamma had to rescue me seems my front legs went all spayed since the floor was so slippery, but then I headed back down the hall again toward the front room where Gracie lives. Mamma had to help me at the ramp though cause by this time I couldn’t lift my feet high enough to clear the matt, but she helped and I wheeled out to show Gracie that I was STILL the alpha bun of the house! So There!! hehe then Mamma helped back to the living room a few minutes later and then I was done flat out. Back to the couch for me for the rest of the night, but this was the most I’ve done in days and days.

So I still sleep most of the time, but I seem way more stable.  Today I ran out my Lasix so we had to go see the vet Dr Dave to get more and more Tramadol too. Mamma noticed today my left eye is really sore and I have been getting cloudy in both eyes for a while and the vets have been keepin an eye on them, apparently they are fatty build up on my lens and not to worry about them, they are a sign of old age and illness but they cause me no pain or problem, but today seemed very different. Anway it was a beautiful day here, breezy, warm, and the sky had clouds so it wasn’t too hot cause of the sun so we thought we’d do a stroll today as well.

Off to the vet and guess what he said, I am doing WAY better than the other day!! He called me the Energizer Bunny and is in disbelief about how much improvment. I have to say I am still very sick and still far from where we’d like me to be, but he said almost everyone else would have me PTS (he needs to check out BS!!), but seems Mamma is SO tenacious and willing to do all she does and is very perceptive to my needs as the complication arrise he feels we can keep going for a while. He says another caridac event very well may end it for me, but for now the meds are working together and he feels the heart meds will help my heart even though its damaged. He says I will always need the meds at the level I am on right now and at anytime they may become ineffective, but for now things are looking hopeful. He says he is gonna research more options for Pain control too so maybe I won’t have to be so sleepy!!

So the sad news is I have an ulcerated eye. He thinks its just happened in less than 24 hours and mamma and Daddy can’t figure when its happened, I haven’t had any hay or been near anything sharp, the only thing we think maybe in happened in the night. Its on the side Daddy sleeps on and maybe I got too close to his beard, we don’t know Anyway he says its bad enough but not so bad it can’t heal, so I got some drops I got to get every 4 hours and I’m already on all the pain meds, Metacam is most favored I guess for is inflamation reduction powers as well. So my eye looks aweful, its all white in the centre and full of dye right now where the hole is. What more can I go through I wonder, this is getting a bit rediculous I have to say. Mamma was very upset but stayed calm and went through everything with Dr Dave about being able to continue and although he first thought not, he does now think we are strong enough team to stay ahead of  this thing for a while. So its still day to day, but I think we can put some more of those days together!!

So with that all said, we did have an adventure today, even with my sore eye! First we stopped in Keppel at this cute little parkette so Daddy could change my diaper (apparently I was stinkin them out of the truck) The Ladies Institute built this lookout over the bay and they had made a beautiful Tea Party Setting all made in cast steel, I had my photo taken with Mamma and with some tea cups and tea pots. Then after the vet we went down to the Harrison Park in Owen sound and we strolled around after Mamma and Daddy had a little picnik dinner. We saw these very crazy people on the river, they took these inflatable air mattresses and were riding them down the river!! OMG it as too funny so Daddy got some pics. It was very relaxing and Mamma says somewhat emotionally rejuvenating although they are both pretty depressed and exhausted from everything that has been going on.

Here is a picture of me from this morning. I was pretty exhausted after having my morning Mash and feeling a bit sorry for myself considering my eye (I’m feeling a bit better now) So I was hanging out with Daddy on his belly. It was kind of humid so we were both hanging out with out our shirts off so please be nice!! Daddy tried to use the flash, but the light just exploded off his belly so he had to take it without so it might be a bit dark, hehe  so i’m hanging in there still my wonderful friends, I am so overwhelmed by all the love, prayers and TEARS. Thank you so much, Mamma says all you that have shed tears for me this week must have somehow helped her Not shed hers. She only broke down twice and I did smooch away her tears, I know she loves me so much, but I have been so grateful she has remained strong and kept moving forward even when everything seems hopeless. I know its been hard on her spirit, wavering from hope and dispair all within hours and then back again. But she did understand me when she was about to give it all up, when all I could do was smooch like crazy and eat as much as I possilble could just to say please hang in there with me Mamma, I got more to do yet. I really need to make my exit on my own terms. For now I am concentrating on LOVE, the love I have here, the love I have for my Mamma and my Daddy and the love I got for Puds and Gracie too, just don’t tell them!! ((smooches to All YOU)) xox T