Laura’s Blog ~ Trinket’s Garden
*this is my blog from bunspace.com
Well I’m still hanging in there. I still have some good days and not so good days. I had a big melt down a few nights ago. I attribute it to hormones, but I hit an all new level (low) Its just so hard to let go of the saddness. Each day it feels like Trinket is slipping further from me and the pain I have inside seems like the only tangible thing that I can hold onto that is still her. I know its not productive, but its what I got for right now. I had this strange thought of how a child must feel when they first find out there is no Santa Clause and how that changes their entire world and everything magical and wonderful that they beleive in, the world suddenly becomes grey and all hope is lost in one shattering realization. Each day without her I feel the world becoming more grey and the memory and feeling of that magical and spiritual light I shared with her becomes harder to hold onto.
So I was out in the garden on the weekend checking out the dandies that finally grew that I planted for Trinket in the spring and the parsley that has mirgrated all through the garden from previous years and I stopped at the bed where I planted all the orchard grass and the poppies that bloomed on the day she died and I was overcome with saddness again. That garden was orgianlly built for Minnie and B and it was fenced in and lined with perennials and lots of exciting places for bunnies to run and dig. When I had my store and didn’t have time to keep it up, then B died and then Minnie died and the garden finally became lost in the sea of weeds, I couldn’t bring myself to embrace the garden again, until this spring when we decided it was time to clean it up. What joy and surprise we found in Trinket as she truly enjoyed the dirt, the sun and the time we all spent together getting it all ready again. Those will be some of my most favorite memories of her. I felt so sad thinking of Minnie and B and remembering how much they loved it in there as we tore down the remains of the fence and dug out the dying plants. The garden became something different and new, now its Trinket’s garden and I have that same sad feeling of being out there and seeing all the places she hung out, or where she climbed out over the raised bed and fell out of her diaper, just to take off over the lawn, scooting along in her weird shuffly kind of way. I look in all these places and still feel she should be there, but its empty.
So on the weekend I thought to myself that I needed to find the perfect bunny to represent her out in the garden, to kind of dedicate it to her and to have some symbol of her there. What else can I do, I still wish she will somehow come back to me. I know it will never happen, but that small part of my spirit where the innocence and child like part of myself still lives, will alway wish for that.
Well Monday morning the mail carrier comes to the door with a package and it was from Minxie’s Mom in the UK and look what was inside…
How did she know? It couldn’t be more perfect. I put the bunny with the last of the poppies, they are almost done flowering. Somehow I feel a little bit better when I go out there now, its still sad for me, but not so overwhelming. Thank you so much Minxie, your Mommy is so intuitive to know the garden would be huge sorrow for me. I hadn’t even thought of it until just this weeked, life is so weird that way. She also made a these two lovely pictures of Trinket which I’ve posted in her albun along with the bunny. Thank you so much for the angel!! xo Laura
Tags: Pet memorial
Leave a Comment