Trinket’s blog~ I’m still here
Hello my Sweeties
I am still here. Everyday Mamam has to wonder if it will be the day I leave her. I’ve been fairly comfortable for the most part, except Daddy wonders if I had another little cardiac even on Friday night. It seems too I’ve develped quite the issue with gas. I can’t stand the syringe feeding anylonger, I’ve been trying to tell Mamma to stop I don’t want it, but she just switched to a smaller syinge thinking that it would stress me less. Well that’s fine but I seem to be getting way more gas too
Mamma puts the Ovol stuff in my mash and last night I had to have another dose before bed too. I was layin on Mamma’s belly and I was farting out these long and horrendous butt flappers. I think Mamma wanted to laugh, but she knew how much the gas was hurting me so she didn’t. When Daddy does that she yells at him, but not me. I am glad she didn’t, its very embarassing, I never did that before. Well enough of the talk. 
I can’t move around on my own anymore, I am pretty much a limp little bun, but I can still reach my paws up to sort of wash them and to push on Mamma when I want my smooches. Mamma was very sad this morning, I had such a long night getting rid of the gas and then this morning she sees I am definatly beginning to tilt again. She had a sneaky suspicion a few days ago and cleaned out my ears again, cause the last few tilts that came on were cleared with the ear cleaning seems I get so much wax down in there. Well this time there was not a lot wax and things seemed Ok for a few days, but today its progressing. So she cleaned them again as best she could and started me on the Panacur as well. “sigh” not more medicine
I know Mamma is thinking I am the bun that will not die, it still seems I am hanging on. I’ve said goodbye to Dr Deb, and of course Mamma and Daddy have “released” me, with Mamma doing this several times over. Last night she held me while doing the Reiki thing and she made these beautiful visualizations for both of us, it was her taking me to a beautiful meadow surrounded in soft glowing mist, and in the distance were all her furbabies that have already left her. She imagined setting me down on the edge of this meadow and then envisioning an angel appearing to take me up in their arms to carry me the rest of the way. She whispered good bye in her mind and in her heart, hoping I’d have the peace to let go knowing she was truly ready to go on without me. But this morning I am still here and now with more complications.
I was right out of my Lasix and very low on my heart med and my Ovol so we had to go to town. Mamma called Dr Deb’s office as she was gonna ask them again if she could help me let go, but she is away from the office today for this big dog show they have here every year. Last year Mamma took me down to the dog show to get my acupunture, what a long time ago that was. So it seems fate has shown the way again and that is not to be my way to leave, I am to go on my own terms. So Mamma held me the longest time and asked what to do. The only thought she could get and its one she has fought with before, “stop syringe feeding me”. Yes Mamma has been keeping everything going by syringe feeding me for so long, but every time lately she does, I feel worse and I’ve been fighting her to stop. A while back she said she’d honor that request from me, but she keeps pleading with me to carry on with the feedings so I relinquish my fight and carry on. Every day I’ve been nibbling little bits in the morning before my feeding and then after I feel too aweful to eat again on my own, so today Mamma has put away the syringe other than to syringe me water and my meds. I have begun to nibble little bits through the day, its not even close to being enough to keep me going and me and Mamma know things will shut down soon, but its time.
So we had one more episode of the Twilight Zone again. Before we left Mamma checked the mail and a parcel had to be picked up at the post office, hmm, Mamma didn’t expect anything else for me and this was addressed to her! Hehe go figure Mamma had mail!! So we stopped there first. Well out of the blue, it was a gift from my first Aunti, Sherri Ellen. This was Mamma’s closest friend, and she used to come hang out with me and Mamma at her store before Mamma closed it. She was the best Aunti, she’d hold carrots and crackers for me for ages, no matter how stiff and sore she was. She doted on me something sweet and I know she loved me. Well her and Mamma had this huge stupid fight about stuff that isn’t really important and both had their feelings hurt and the friendship was terminated over a year ago. No one asked me about it or asked my advice on this situation, and I would have told them both off too. I missed my Aunti but when Mamma lost that friendship that was when she decided to join bunspace so if that had never happened, I don’t know if I’d ever would have made it here. Well this is the lovely gift Mamma got from her friend, seems she has been following me here at bunspace and keeping up with everything that has happened over the last year. 
Its perfect isn’t it. The little bun is standing up just like I used to. Mamma thinks this gift is such amazing timing as its kind of like her visualization she showed me last night. I am getting ready to be embaraced by the angels. It was bought a year ago, but its just too perfect for right now, funny how life works out like that.
Now if that wasn’t weird enough in a good way, the second Mamma opened the door at the vet’s office, there was my Aunti sitting there with her kitty Nyla Blue!!!
Its been a little over a year since they seen each other and Aunti says to Mamma she knew she’d see her today. So they got to chat a bit and they both admitted they missed eachother and the parting of ways was what it was. So Aunti got to see me one last time and she got to pet me a wee bit while I was in my carrier, Mamma wanted to bring me out to see her proper, but I’m just too weak but I got to see my Aunti again and even though she said “see you later”, I got to say good bye to her too.
I almost forgot, my eye is doing so much better, I am still getting medicated drops every 4 hours and Samantha’s Mommy suggested I also use my True Tears too, every hour inbetween. So my ulcerated eye began to feel better in a few days, but then my other eye got real goopy and sore and so Mamma started putting the medicated drops in that eye too and its doing much better now, so I don’t know if its was ulcerated too or not, it sure was sore just like the other one was at first, but I feel loads better. My cataracts are progressing quite a bit in both eyes, but with all the drops they feel OK.
So that’s it to report for today. Daddy had to leave again, this time going out to Winnipeg. I don’t know when he’ll be home, Mamma says she’ll tell me as soon as she knows. Its time for a good sleep so I’m gonna end here. I love you guys so much, thank you for taking such good care of Mamma and showing me so much love. I hope this head tilt thing doesn’t progress, I don’t think Mamma could handle another go at that with my current condition. Hopefully she’ll hold me enough it won’t be so bad.
xox T
Tags: trinket the dwarf bunny
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